wossaaat's Statistics
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User Statistics
| User Level: | User | ||
| Contribution Points: | 481 | ||
| Total Joke Score: | 2,123 | ||
| Total Time Active: | 18 hours, 49 minutes | ||
Joke Statistics
| Total Jokes Submitted: | 68 | Live Jokes: | 16 | |
| Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): | 52 | Duplicate Jokes: | 18 | |
| Average Joke Score (All Jokes): | 31.22 | Average Joke Score (Exc. Deleted): | 132.69 | |
| Average Time Before Deletion: | 173,615m | |||
| Favourite Subcategory | Illness and mortality > Alcohol And Drugs (1) | |||
The best of wossaaat's 16 jokes (View All).
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Fuck me, I need to stop drinking. If my liver becomes any more black and bloated it's gonna end up getting adopted by Angelina Jolie. |
 
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Joke
by wossaaat in Illness and mortality - Alcohol And Drugs - Added: 4 years, 6 months ago - Current Score: 1,533.2
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One of my favourite things to do is to try and pack myself into a small suitcase. I can barely contain myself. |
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Joke
submitted by wossaaat, originally by Tim Vine in Other - Irony - Added: 4 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 156.6
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I was chatting up an older woman in the pub the other night who said she had 5 kids. Things were going pretty well and she told me to slip into the gents and buy some condoms. I got about half way across the pub when she suddenly shouts "Get the ribbed kind!". I thought to myself, "for fuck's sake love, you've had 5 kids... I might as well just get the normal kind and stick Lego down it." |
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Joke
by wossaaat in Sex and shit - Contraception - Added: 4 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 104.4
| Valentine's Day is weird. It's the one day of the year where you get anonymous mail from a stranger basically saying "I'd like to fuck you", and you go "awwww" |
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Joke
submitted by wossaaat, originally by Jimmy Carr in Events - Valentines Day - Added: 4 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 74
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I don't envy anyone going through a divorce. When I got divorced I put a tampon on top of the T.V. It helps remind me of the cunt that took my DVD player. |
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I recently gave my wife two hot nights between the sheets. I locked her in the airing cupboard for the weekend. |
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| If God didn't approve of homosexuality, surely he would have sent some sort of plague to wipe them out... |
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Apparently the price of hearing aids has gone up. Deaf people across the country are going, "how much??" |
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Joke
submitted by wossaaat, originally by Tim Vine in Illness and mortality - Deafness - Added: 4 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 31.8
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It must be much more difficult to be female, because the body is more complicated.
If you're born a woman all these things happen to you. You're a baby, then a girl, then a young lady sprouting breasts, then a woman, then with menopause you grow a tash and you're totally fucked... It's like this constant opera where the masks keep falling to the floor throughout your life - "Who am I, I don't know, watch out I'm fucking nuts..." But if you're male, you're [...] |
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Joke
submitted by wossaaat, originally by Dylan Moran in Sex and shit - Women - Added: 4 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 21.2
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Kirsty Moore is to become the first woman to fly with the Red Arrows. Overall she feels quite confident, but is a little concerned that the tea and coffee will fall off the trolley when they loop the loop. |
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