shk's Profile Information:
you don't have to be afraid to put your dream in action...MAKe It SHINe
shk's Statistics
Note: once generated statistics are saved and may not be re-calculated for up to 48 hours. These statistics have just been generated for you. Aren't we nice?
User Statistics
| User Level: | User | ||
| Contribution Points: | 209 | ||
| Total Joke Score: | 442 | ||
| Total Time Active: | 83 hours, 54 minutes | ||
Joke Statistics
| Total Jokes Submitted: | 148 | Live Jokes: | 30 | |
| Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): | 118 | Duplicate Jokes: | 2 | |
| Average Joke Score (All Jokes): | 2.99 | Average Joke Score (Exc. Deleted): | 14.73 | |
| Average Time Before Deletion: | 7,748m | |||
| Favourite Subcategory | Other > ??? Random (4) | |||
The best of shk's 30 jokes (View All).
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I sent a text to my wife last night, "Hi babe I'm at the pub with some lads, please try and wash all my dirty clothes and make sure you prepare my favourite dish before I return." I sent another text, "Babe I forgot to tell you that I got an increase in my salary at the end of the month I'm getting you a new car" She text back,"Omg really?" I replied, "No I just wanted to make sure you got my first message." |
 
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| An Apple fan walks into a bar.... Orders the same drink as yesterday, but pays more. |
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As I left the pub last night this black guy ran after me immediately. ''You forgot your phone on the table mate'' he said, handing back the phone to me. Strange, but I graciously took back my Nokia 3310. |
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I got chatting to a Nigerian prostitute on a dating site. We were getting really flirty when she purred, ''I feel like sucking you dry.'' I said, "If you think I'll give you my bank details you've got another thing coming." |
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You can never be too tired to masturbate. Unless you're tired because you just masturbated. |
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I was chatting with this woman at the pub last night and we ended up exchanging numbers. ''You didn't even ask for my name.'' I said. She said, ''There will be no need for that. When you give me a ring, I can call you handsome, honey pie or Vanessa depending on the one that suits me.'' ''Vanessa?'' I asked surprisingly. She said, ''Yes...If my husband is around.'' |
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Hurricane Sandy: The US must be regretting burying Osama binLaden at sea.he simply refuses to stop. |
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A man walked into a florist and saw a sign that read 'Say it with flowers'. "Wrap up just one", he said. "Just one?", asked the florist sarcastically. "Yeah, I am a man of few words". |
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Dave was a "man about town" so to speak, but kate was very naive and uninformed about the birds and the bees.
Dave was a poor working man and could not afford to take time off for a honeymoon.So, that night they retired to his little shack. When dave was undressing kate said, "Oh dave, what is that?" dave being very quick thinking said,''kate baby, I am the only man in the world with one of these."And, then, he proceeded to sh [...] |
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I was chatting with a bird at the pub when she said she wanted a man who will sweep her off her feet, so I gave her a tackle. |
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