oor wullie's Statistics
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User Statistics
| User Level: | User | ||
| Contribution Points: | 437 | ||
| Total Joke Score: | 5,149 | ||
| Total Time Active: | 415 hours, 31 minutes | ||
The best of oor wullie's 316 jokes (View All).
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"I love you loads, honeypie." My wife said earlier. "And I love you tons." I replied. "What, no nickname for me?" She asked, disappointed. Sometimes I swear the fat cow's going deaf. |
 
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I'm not saying my wife's a fat bitch.. But I've had to put an energy-saving bulb in the fridge. |
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My wife went fucking mental earlier when I called her a big fat rhino. She was screaming and shouting at me, calling me every name under the sun and threatening to beat the fuck out of me. I just stood there, frozen to the spot. The safest thing to do, as her vision's based mainly on movement. |
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I ordered a sex-toy off the internet, a custom made scale replica of my wife's vagina. On the day it was due to be delivered I sat anxiously at my window, waiting for my postman. After what felt like forever, he came struggling down my path with a big tatty box in his hands, all dented and the flaps torn, blowing around in the breeze. I thought they would've at least fucking wrapped it. |
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That's three Christmas Eves in a row now, that The Grinch has been on. Once again, I've got to make do with one of her fucking hand jobs. |
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My wife walked out on me last week, after years of abuse about her weight and I've been in a deep, deep depression ever since. Sleeping on her side of the bed. |
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My wife had been suffering from crippling stomach pains for a couple of days, so I advised her to go to the doctor's. When she returned and told me she was HIV positive I was absolutely devastated. I had a brilliant cancer joke lined up. |
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Joke
by oor wullie in Illness and mortality - Cancer (+ 2 more) - Added: 8 months ago - Current Score: 178
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The wife came back from buying her costume for a fancy dress party earlier. "Stay there baby" she said to me, "while I nip upstairs and put it on to show you." She came back down, opened the living room door and stood before me. "Wow honey, that's a winning costume you've got there." I told her. "That's the most convincing killer whale outfit I've ever seen." "I'm a nun, you cunt." |
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The wife bought me a nose and ear trimmer for Christmas. Hurt like fuck, but they're much smaller now. |
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My girlfriend's just told me she's pregnant, so as a treat we're going out for the day. I'm taking her to the museum of rickety staircases on the way back from ice skating. |
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