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User Statistics
| User Level: | User | ||
| Contribution Points: | 256 | ||
| Total Joke Score: | 33,717 | ||
| Total Time Active: | 129 hours, 54 minutes | ||
The best of marley's 327 jokes (View All).
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Looks like we might at last get some new jokes on here. Mock The Week and 8 out of 10 Cats have both got a new series. |
 
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I heard an Italian woman covered in dust saying to the reporter, "I just thank God I'm alive." I hope she remembered to thank her kind hearted imaginary friend for sending the earthquake in the first place. |
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My kids want a dog but I've refused to get them a Labrador. It's frightening how many Labrador owners you see that have gone blind. |
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It's time the supermarkets got rid of all these fucking disabled parking spaces. They can't start bleating about not having enough training facilities for the Olympic Games if they can't even be arsed to carry a tin of beans a few yards further to the car. |
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Joke
by marley in Illness and mortality - Disability - Added: 4 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 975.2
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Cristiano Ronaldo has announced the birth of his son and has said he will be looking after him. Coping with the inability to stand up, tantrums and sobbing demands for attention will be a problem - but the baby will just have to put up with it at least until he's 18. |
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A man went into a Restaurant and, not finding anything he fancied on the menu, looked up at the blackboard on the wall. It just read:
"The Chef's Special." What the hell, he thought. "I'll go for pot luck." he told the waiter, pointing at the blackboard. When his meal came he took one mouthful and spat it out. "This tastes like fucking playdoh!" he roared at the waiter. "That's because it IS playdoh. We did w [...] |
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I went to a German Restaurant the other day. Not a pleasant experience. The starter was sauerkraut, and it was bloody awful. But the wurst was yet to come. |
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Pedophilia is wrong. It's Paedophilia |
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Joke
submitted by marley, originally by Jimmy Carr in Crime - Paedophilia - Added: 4 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 632.6
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I was in Liverpool at the weekend and I see they're practising for the Olympics. There were loads of people wandering around in tracksuits struggling to speak English. |
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I read that Simon Cowell is extremely wealthy and spends 500k on his personal security every year. Wouldn't it be a lot cheaper if he tried to be a little bit less of a cunt? |
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