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|Total Joke Score:||5,041|
|Total Time Active:||186 hours, 12 minutes|
The best of lee999's 58 jokes (View All).
I bought my girlfriend a pen for her birthday.
I should have got a better one though, she keeps getting out.
|Tip - Stutterers, when you talk make a hand gesture like you're scratching a record and say "can I get a rewind" at the end of your sentence. That way people will never know you have a speech impediment, and will only think that you're a dick.|
I was lurking in an alleyway the other night when this hot woman walked by. I grabbed her and dragged her into the dark, I pulled out the small piece of brown fruit I always carry with me and shoved it up her fanny.
It was a date rape.
I've been shagging this bird who presents Blue Peter.
I like it when I introduce her to my mates, I get to say, "And here's one I laid earlier."
An English man, an Irish man and a Scottish man walk into a bar.
The English man turns to the Scot and says, "do you think the person reading this will really think this jokes not going to be about Michael Jackson?"
|People talk about the glass being half full, or half empty. I consider myself to have a positive attitude, so, Barack Obama is half white.|
I don't like children.
What people don't seem to realise is that babies are here to replace us.
Once you understand that you can see just how sinister they are.
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