| User Level: | User | ||
| Contribution Points: | 27 | Total Joke Score: | 8,928 |
| Country: |
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Total Time Active: | 24 hours, 23 minutes |
| Total Jokes Submitted: | 214 | Live Jokes: | 98 |
| Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): | 116 | Duplicate Jokes: | 7 |
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The best of ithomson1's 98 jokes (View All)
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I read 'Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince' in 4 hours yesterday! I know it's only 7 words but I was still impressed with myself. |
 
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Joke by ithomson1 which requires categorising - Added: 7 months ago
- Current Score: 839
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Briana Banks. If you know the name, I know what you've been doing. |
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Joke by ithomson1 which requires categorising - Added: 7 months ago
- Current Score: 505.6
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I was watching 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?' last night and I couldn't help but think to myself that, if I was on the show, I would definitely use 118 Directory Enquiries as my phone-a-friend option. |
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Joke by ithomson1 which requires categorising - Added: 7 months ago
- Current Score: 384.4
| I'm currently looking to buy a new house. I'm thinking about getting a semi next to the local primary school. |
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Joke by ithomson1 which requires categorising - Added: 7 months ago
- Current Score: 382.2
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Angela, a daft 60 year old cleaner came up to me at work today and said to me "Ohh, looks like it's going to be one of those days today", whilst pointing out the window and staring at the rain. After a few seconds of silence I turned to her and said "Angela." "Yes?" she said. And I added after another few seconds of silence, "Fuck off." |
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Joke by ithomson1 which requires categorising - Added: 7 months ago
- Current Score: 382
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Like a lot of people, I spend about 10 unnecessary minutes in the shower. About 9 of them are spent giggling at the surface runoff at the end of my penis which makes it look like I'm taking a piss. |
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Joke by ithomson1 which requires categorising - Added: 7 months ago
- Current Score: 376.4
| I didn't realise that Manchester City fans went to their home games dressed as empty seats. |
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My secretary ran into my office today and gasped "Sir! Three men have come into the store, each with a loaded sawn off shotgun! They've already shot Colin in the foot whilst he was working on the fruit and veg isle and they've held up Gary on the tills and forced him to hand over all the money! They've demanded the keys to the safe and they're making their way upstairs to find you at this very moment!".
I sat and considered the situation calmly for a few seconds and said, " [...] |
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Joke by ithomson1 which requires categorising - Added: 7 months ago
- Current Score: 332.6
| The Page 3 girl in the Sun this morning was shit, she was fat and bald. |
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Joke by ithomson1 in Celebrities - Jade Goody - Added: 1 year ago
- Current Score: 321.4
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I don't have that much money. In fact, all the money I do make I end up giving away to Charity. It's a funny name for a stripper but she works hard for it. |
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Joke by ithomson1 in Sex and shit - Strippers - Added: 5 months ago
- Current Score: 308.6
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