illegalnature's Statistics
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User Statistics
| User Level: | Admin | ||
| Total Joke Score: | 75,440 | ||
| Total Time Active: | 1,495 hours, 27 minutes | ||
The best of illegalnature's 1,434 jokes (View All).
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Yesterday, I told my workmate a joke about rape and he said, "Mate, if you think making jokes about rape is funny then you're wrong. My wife got raped and trust me, it's not funny."
Feeling slightly ashamed, I said, "Sorry. When did this happen?" "Last week," he replied. I paused for a moment. "Behind the bus station?" "Yeah. Why?" "Er... no reason.&quo [...] |
 
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Joke
by illegalnature in Sex and shit - Rape - Added: 3 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 1,859.6
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Just been chatting to my neighbour's teenage daughter and it turns out she's really into UFOs and aliens. Which is cool because tomorrow she's getting abducted. |
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As I sat in the living room my 5 year old shouted at me from the back door. "I can't hear you if you're shouting from outside." I said. Again, he shouted back. "I told you, I can't hear you from there. It's rude to shout. If you want me to hear you, walk into the living room." I replied. A few moments later my son appeared in the living room. "Dad, I've got dog shit all over my shoes." |
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Joke
submitted by illegalnature, originally by Bill Watterson in Sex and shit - Shit - Added: 3 years, 11 months ago - Current Score: 1,408.6
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My wife came home with a vibrator, started waving it about and screamed, "I don't need you now! I don't need you now!" Guess who had to put the batteries in. |
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Joke
submitted by illegalnature, originally by Josh Howie in Sex and shit - Wife - Added: 1 year, 7 months ago - Current Score: 1,394.2
| If the secret to a long life is eating oily fish, how come I nearly choke to death every time I go down on the wife? |
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Joke
by illegalnature in Sex and shit - Oral Sex - Added: 3 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 1,359.4
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I asked a gay friend of mine what he used to clean his dishes? He said Fairy Liquid. I thought I knew what he meant until I caught him wanking into the kitchen sink. |
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| I found a grey pubic hair today. I wasn't as freaked out as the two women in the lift with me. |
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Joke
submitted by illegalnature, originally by Stu Francis in Sex and shit - Exhibitionist - Added: 3 years, 11 months ago - Current Score: 1,151.4
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The other day, I watched as another woman inserted her fingers into my wife's pussy. Like a lot of guys in that situation, I decided to have a wank. I thought I better stop when I got a disapproving look from the midwife. |
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Joke
by illegalnature in Sex and shit - Masturbation - Added: 3 years, 6 months ago - Current Score: 1,065.4
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E mail from girl at work to whole company: I have lost my silver bangle. If anybody comes across it anywhere, it’s mine. E mail back from me: I came across a silver bangle in the gent’s toilet. I didn’t mean to but my afternoon wank always produces a hefty wad that’s sometimes hard to control. It’s yours. I hit reply all by mistake and have an appointment with HR in an hour. |
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Joke
by illegalnature in Sex and shit - Ejaculation - Added: 3 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 1,051.2
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I ended up with a black eye after trying to take a shit the other day. Maybe I should have waited until the person having it had left the cubicle? |
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Joke
by illegalnature in Sex and shit - Shit - Added: 3 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 1,015.8
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