funny_guy's Statistics

People in a small town believe that the landlord of the local pub is the strongest bloke they have ever seen. They are so sure of this that they offer a challenge to anyone who wants to try it. The challenge is that the landlord gets a lemon and squeezes all of the juice out of it. Anyone who can squeeze even one more drop of juice wins £1000.
Over the years many people try it, from lorry drivers to weight lifters, all of them failing.
One day a little old man comes into the pub a [...]

People in a small town believe that the landlord of the local pub is the strongest bloke they have ever seen. They are so sure of this that they offer a challenge to anyone who wants to try it. The challenge is that the landlord gets a lemon and squeezes all of the juice out of it. Anyone who can squeeze even one more drop of juice wins £1000.
Over the years many people try it, from lorry drivers to weight lifters, all of them failing.
One day a little old man comes into the pub and asks if he can have a try. After the laughter subsides, the landlord gets a lemon, squeezes the juice out and hands the remains to the man.
Amazingly, he manages to squeeze four more drops out. Astonished, the landlord hands him the money and asks, "What do you do for a living?"
To which the old man replies, "I work for the Inland Revenue."

My girlfriend was in a coma a few years ago.
One day I went to the hospital to see how she was. The nurse said, "Well I was bathing her before and I accidently touched her vagina and her eyes flicked open just briefly. I was wondering, do you want to try a bit of oral sex on her and see if she comes round."
So I agreed and when she left I began licking her pussy. Five minutes later the doctor came in and I was sat on the bed with my girlfriend, who was fully awake.
[...]

My girlfriend was in a coma a few years ago.
One day I went to the hospital to see how she was. The nurse said, "Well I was bathing her before and I accidently touched her vagina and her eyes flicked open just briefly. I was wondering, do you want to try a bit of oral sex on her and see if she comes round."
So I agreed and when she left I began licking her pussy. Five minutes later the doctor came in and I was sat on the bed with my girlfriend, who was fully awake.
The doctor said, "This is amazing, I've never seen anything like this before in my life." He then looked at me and said, "Why do you look so sad."
I replied, "I've just realised, I could have saved my mother."