frankspankard's Statistics
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User Statistics
| User Level: | User | ||
| Contribution Points: | 139 | ||
| Total Joke Score: | 13,584 | ||
| Total Time Active: | 37 hours, 32 minutes | ||
Joke Statistics
| Total Jokes Submitted: | 485 | Live Jokes: | 195 | |
| Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): | 290 | Duplicate Jokes: | 31 | |
| Average Joke Score (All Jokes): | 28.01 | Average Joke Score (Exc. Deleted): | 69.66 | |
| Average Time Before Deletion: | 50,512m | |||
| Favourite Subcategory | Sex and shit > Pornography (15) | |||
The best of frankspankard's 195 jokes (View All).
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You know you're getting old when: I was watching Babe Station. There was this gorgeous girl in a skimpy little French maid's outfit, pushing a vac around, bending over provocatively. And as her little skirt rode up, exposing her lovely little bottom with the little strip of black material covering her crack, all I could think was: "We used to have a Hoover like that one." |
 
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Joke
by frankspankard in Sex and shit - Pornography (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 1,971.2
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That could've been embarrassing. The wife walked in and caught me wanking over Maria Sharapova. I was actually watching Loose Women but managed to flick over and get my cock out in time. |
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Joke
by frankspankard in Sex and shit - Masturbation - Added: 3 years, 11 months ago - Current Score: 1,215.6
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I was enjoying a bit of bum sex with my girlfriend when she turned to me and said; "Hmm mmm mmhmphmm mm hmmph!" Don't you just love gaffa tape? |
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Joke
by frankspankard in Sex and shit - Bondage - Added: 4 years, 1 month ago - Current Score: 1,090.4
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The doctor told me I need more exercise. I need to do something each day to get my heart racing for half an hour or so. And that, Your Honour, concludes my defence of these ludicrous rape charges. |
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I woke up this morning on the settee, with my pants around my feet and a cucumber stuck up my arse. I'd a post-it note stuck to my forehead. It said; "I saw you spike my drink, so swapped them." BITCH! |
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Joke
by frankspankard in Sex and shit - Rohypnol - Added: 3 years, 6 months ago - Current Score: 740.4
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My girlfriend's got new boobs. I love 'em. Well, I say "new". She's had 'em about a year now. Been growing niceley since she turned thirteen! |
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I'm the world's worst rapist. I was stalking this girl in the park. I had my handkerchief already soaked in chloroform, when suddenly she turned and looked at me. I nonchalantly pretended to blow my nose.......and woke up an hour later slumped over a park bench. |
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I walked in on my mate having sex with his girlfriend last night. So, as you do, I walked over and stuck my cock in her mouth. And as he was beating me to a pulp, I made a mental note not to confuse real life with porn. |
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Joke
by frankspankard in Sex and shit - Pornography - Added: 3 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 517.2
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They say that 15 year old British tennis ace, Laura Robson has grown a good 3 inches since last year's Wimbledon. Well I've grown a good 3 inches at least since the start of her match. |
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Joke
by frankspankard in Sex and shit - Erections (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 11 months ago - Current Score: 327.4
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What's the best thing about giving a naughty schoolgirl a damn jolly good spanking? Being able to claim the £500 fee back on my MP's expenses. |
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Joke
by frankspankard in In The News - Recession - Added: 4 years, 0 months ago - Current Score: 309.2
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