"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Five to discuss how the patriarchy put the system in place that requires the lightbulb to be changed in the first place, two to write blogs and one to write a 'zine about changing the lightbulb, three to derail the lightbulb changing into their own pet project, a solid group to organize a seminar about empowering young women to change the lightbulb in the next generation, and seventeen to make folk or electropop albums abo [...]

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?

Five to discuss how the patriarchy put the system in place that requires the lightbulb to be changed in the first place, two to write blogs and one to write a 'zine about changing the lightbulb, three to derail the lightbulb changing into their own pet project, a solid group to organize a seminar about empowering young women to change the lightbulb in the next generation, and seventeen to make folk or electropop albums about their views on lightbulb changing.

EARTHQUAKE SAFETY TIPS


Earthquakes can strike without warning, and being prepared for such a disaster can mean the difference between life and death. Here are some tips to help you and your loved ones make it through a quake:

- Those living in areas not prone to earthquakes can respond quickly to the plight of disaster victims in quake zones by complacently smirking and saying, "I told you so."

- To minimize loss and damage in a quak [...]

EARTHQUAKE SAFETY TIPS


Earthquakes can strike without warning, and being prepared for such a disaster can mean the difference between life and death. Here are some tips to help you and your loved ones make it through a quake:

- Those living in areas not prone to earthquakes can respond quickly to the plight of disaster victims in quake zones by complacently smirking and saying, "I told you so."

- To minimize loss and damage in a quake, try not to own things.

- Experiencing an earthquake is terrifying, but a majority of people caught in one do survive. During the tremors, try to resist the temptation to have sex with pets or houseplants.

- Practice your burrowing-out-from-under-40-tons-of-rubble skills ahead of time.

- Look out your window often. If you see a large, zig-zag-shaped crevasse moving rapidly from the horizon toward your home, step either to the right or the left.

- Do you have a treasured childhood toy? Perhaps a stuffed animal, such as a teddy bear? Well, let's see Mr. Bear help you now.

- For those who fear earthquakes, it may comfort you to know that a majority of the damage during the 1906 San Francisco earthquake did not come from the tremors themselves. Instead, it was from the raging, out-of-control fires that consumed most of the city.

- A doorway is the safest place to be during a quake. Eat, sleep and work in doorways.

- Be sure to mail your house insurance payments a full five business days before a major earthquake strikes.

- In the event of a quake, get under something heavy, such as a desk, a table or your uncle.

- If you are caught in a major earthquake in Southern California and are part of the entertainment industry, take a moment or two to reflect on how grossly you've wasted your life.

One day, three boys were walking over a bridge when they heard a guy yelling for help.
It was President Bush. He was drowning, and the three boys rescued him.
He thanked them dearly and promised them whatever they wanted as a reward.
The first boy wanted $10,000, so Bush gave him the money.
The second boy wanted a Ferrari, so Bush gave the boy a Ferrari.
The third boy wanted a wheelchair , Bush said, "Why do you want one of those, son, you're not disabled [...]

One day, three boys were walking over a bridge when they heard a guy yelling for help.
It was President Bush. He was drowning, and the three boys rescued him.
He thanked them dearly and promised them whatever they wanted as a reward.
The first boy wanted $10,000, so Bush gave him the money.
The second boy wanted a Ferrari, so Bush gave the boy a Ferrari.
The third boy wanted a wheelchair , Bush said, "Why do you want one of those, son, you're not disabled ."
The boy replied,"I will be when my dad finds out whose life I just saved."

Begging letter sent to me yesterday:

HI and great news on your mega lottery win. My name is Sally and my 3 year old daughter Sam has 2 months to live after contracting Liver cancer. Please please help her last days be memorable.

My reply:

Hi Sally, So sorry to hear your news about Sam. So what I've done is book an all expenses trip to Disney in Florida. Got to go now the taxi is waiting outside to take me to the airport. I'll send her some pictures o [...]

Begging letter sent to me yesterday:

HI and great news on your mega lottery win. My name is Sally and my 3 year old daughter Sam has 2 months to live after contracting Liver cancer. Please please help her last days be memorable.

My reply:

Hi Sally, So sorry to hear your news about Sam. So what I've done is book an all expenses trip to Disney in Florida. Got to go now the taxi is waiting outside to take me to the airport. I'll send her some pictures of me and Mickey Mouse. I'll see if he will autograph it for her...

Best of luck Mark