cobb's Statistics
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User Statistics
| User Level: | User | ||
| Contribution Points: | 546 | ||
| Total Joke Score: | 6,361 | ||
| Total Time Active: | 288 hours, 47 minutes | ||
Joke Statistics
| Total Jokes Submitted: | 476 | Live Jokes: | 265 | |
| Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): | 211 | Duplicate Jokes: | 10 | |
| Average Joke Score (All Jokes): | 13.36 | Average Joke Score (Exc. Deleted): | 24.00 | |
| Average Time Before Deletion: | 7,670m | |||
| Favourite Subcategory | Other > ??? Random (59) | |||
The best of cobb's 265 jokes (View All).
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"That's a sexy little outfit you're wearing," I said. "I bet you want my cock in you." "Dave," my wife said, "do you know I can hear you on the baby monitor?" |
 
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"A Vodka Martini please mate," I said as I pushed my way in front of two massive women in the cocktail bar. "That's very rude!" one of them said. "Just for that you can buy ours! That'll be two margaritas." "And two cheese and tomato pizzas for these fat cunts please." |
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The police asked me to identify what they thought was my wife's body. They pulled the sheet back to show her face. "I can't be certain," I told them. The sheet went back a bit further to reveal her breasts. "Sorry, but I'm still not sure." They took the sheet completely off and I had a good look. "That's definitely not her, Officer. My wife's not black." |
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I was getting dressed when the prostitute said to me, "You're the first man to give me an orgasm." "That's OK love," I said to her. "No need to give me that shit." "No Sir, don't you remember me? Mandy Fletcher, year 8 Maths?" |
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Ladbrokes must be shitting themselves right now. If Des O'Connor is next, I've landed a 7 paedo accumulator. |
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I was driving along when I saw my old teacher so I pulled alongside her. "Dave Smith, is that you? I remember you were such an intense child we joked you'd either be a serial killer or a famous actor! What are you doing these days?" "Have you ever seen me in Coronation Street, Eastenders or Casualty?" I asked her. "Not that I remember." "So get in the fucking car and shut up." |
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I was walking a girl home through the park after spending a fortune on her all night. "When we get to your place, am I coming in for a coffee?" I asked her. "No, you're not," she said. "If your plan was to buy sex, you can think again!" "If you didn't like that plan," I said, looking round, "you're gonna hate my plan B." |
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I was hungover this morning so phoned work and said to the boss, "I'm afraid I won't be in today, my father had a massive heart attack and died last night." "That was your last chance Dave," he replied. "I'm taking the '& son' off the shop sign." |
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"Tell me when you've come," I panted to my wife as I pumped away. "1987 and twice in 1993." she said. |
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"For Christmas, would you like one of those things that tests your blood pressure?" my wife asked. "You can fuck off if you think your mum's coming for dinner again." |
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