cc1957's Statistics
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User Statistics
| User Level: | Admin | ||
| Total Joke Score: | 14,337 | ||
| Total Time Active: | 2,120 hours, 53 minutes | ||
The best of cc1957's 92 jokes (View All).
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I left my car in a car park the other day, when I came back to it the bumper and rear lights were all smashed up. Then I found this note under the wiper. It said: I just accidentally reversed into your car. Quite a few people saw me do it. They think I'm leaving my name and details. Well, I'm not. |
 
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Joke
by cc1957 in Illness and mortality - Accidents - Added: 4 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 3,863.4
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I was watching a DVD the other day and it had that bit at the beginning about piracy saying, "You wouldn't steal a car." I thought, "I fucking would if I could download it." |
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Two guys are walking along the road and one of them points to a woman across the road and says to the other one, 'I've had her up the arse.' 'No shit,' says the second guy. 'Well,' says the first, 'hardly any.' |
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I got stopped by a copper with a radar gun the other day. "Bit of a speed merchant are we, sir?" he asked. "A bit, now and then," I replied, "but I only sell to friends." So as well as three points I'm looking at three months. |
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Knock knock "Who's there?" "Doorbell repairman." |
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I pulled a girl the other night, she said she was never in the mood for sex till she had a bottle of wine inside her. After a bit of a struggle it turned out she meant she wanted to drink it. |
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A guy goes to the doctor and says, "I have this problem with my sex life."
The doctor asks, "Can you describe the problem?" "Well... I wake up in the morning and shag my wife, then I have a shower and a shave and I shag her again. I have my breakfast and shag her again on the table, then I get a blow job from her before I leave for work." "Okay..." the doctor replies. "I haven't finished yet. [...] |
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I asked my girlfriend if I could give her one, she said 'Sure, be my guest'. So I gave her 0.2 instead. |
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I've invented a device to help improve your ejaculation distance. So I took it on Dragon's Den but it went right over their heads. |
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Joke
by cc1957 in Sex and shit - Ejaculation (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 11 months ago - Current Score: 374.4
| Toyota have announced that they will be taking part in Formula 1 this year after all. They reckon they'll be unstoppable. |
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