bumblesquash's Profile Information:
Turn the lights off on your way out ...
bumblesquash's Statistics
Note: once generated statistics are saved and may not be re-calculated for up to 48 hours. These statistics have just been generated for you. Aren't we nice?
User Statistics
| User Level: | User | ||
| Contribution Points: | 3681 | ||
| Total Joke Score: | 94,351 | ||
| Total Time Active: | 2,496 hours, 29 minutes | ||
Joke Statistics
| Total Jokes Submitted: | 6,799 | Live Jokes: | 2,602 | |
| Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): | 4,197 | Duplicate Jokes: | 342 | |
| Average Joke Score (All Jokes): | 13.88 | Average Joke Score (Exc. Deleted): | 36.26 | |
| Average Time Before Deletion: | 24,323m | |||
| Favourite Subcategory | Sex and shit > Wife (251) | |||
The best of bumblesquash's 2,602 jokes (View All).
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Local girl Joanna Mow leaps to her death on her birthday... Your middle name wouldn't be Ronny would it Jo? |
 
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It's hard to explain the distress I felt when I first saw my daughter on her death bed. Fucking goth. |
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My girlfriend asked, "Do you want to get married?" I said, "Sure." She said, "Great, when?" I said, "Well like every other guy, when I meet the right girl." |
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I've adopted a little African child, I worried that he wouldn't adapt well to our way of life... So to make him feel at home, I put a treadmill in front of the sink. |
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A guy at work asked me for a cigarette lighter. I said, "Sure, give me your packet." He handed over his packet and I took a cigarette out. I said, "There you go." "What the fuck is that?" he said bemused. I replied, "It's a cigarette lighter." |
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Our neighbour's dog shat in our garden, so my mum told me to get a shovel and throw it over the fence. I don't see what that solved, now we've got dog shit in our garden and the neighbours have our shovel. |
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My wife shouted upstairs, "The sun's just come out." I thought great, threw on some shorts and flip flops and shot down the stairs. I was rather shocked when I got down to find our lad holding hands with his mate Michael. |
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Joke
by bumblesquash in Other - Wordplay (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 2 months ago - Current Score: 872.4
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Me and five of my mates all went to a brothel and all threw fifty pound each into a pot, the winner was whoever could go the longest without cumming. I came in a respectable second, which put me in last place. |
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Joke
by bumblesquash in Sex and shit - Ejaculation - Added: 2 years, 0 months ago - Current Score: 854.2
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"Ladies and gents." That concludes our tour of the toilets. |
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I won a tidy sum on the lottery and gave my homeless brother a new home. It was the box from my new 65" TV. |
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