TheRizzler's Profile Information:
My best friend is a pair of brown trousers called Dave who lives under my bed and only comes out at night.
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TheRizzler's Statistics
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User Statistics
| User Level: | User | ||
| Contribution Points: | 11537 | ||
| Total Joke Score: | 47,707 | ||
| Total Time Active: | 3,276 hours, 17 minutes | ||
The best of TheRizzler's 962 jokes (View All).
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"Dad, how do you feel about abortions?" "Well, why don't you ask your sister?" "But I don't have a..." |
 
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Joke
by TheRizzler in Sex and shit - Abortion - Added: 1 year, 10 months ago - Current Score: 2,219.2
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Lady Gaga has announced that she is to be dropping Facebook for charity. She should also think about dropping her knickers, for clarity. |
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Joke
by TheRizzler in Celebrities - Lady Gaga (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 6 months ago - Current Score: 1,945.2
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My mates call me gay because I can't stay on a skateboard for longer than a minute. I'd like to see them try it with high heels on. |
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I was trying to find a way to kill my wife without raising suspicion. So I bought her a car. |
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Joke
by TheRizzler in Crime - Murder (+ 2 more) - Added: 2 years, 3 months ago - Current Score: 818.2
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I asked a few kids if they could push the back of my car to help get it started and they agreed. Who needs sweets when you can use super glue? |
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Joke
by TheRizzler in Sex and shit - Paedophile (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 717.4
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My wife's a bit like Pinocchio. Every time she tells me lies, her nose swells up. |
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Joke
by TheRizzler in Crime - Domestic Violence - Added: 2 years, 3 months ago - Current Score: 715.8
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Some bloke walked up to the counter and said, "Burger and chips, please." "Certainly, Sir," I replied. "Are you eating in or taking out?" "Fuck off you cunt," he snapped, before walking off with his food. I love working in the prison canteen. |
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| Liverpool have made a bid for Rooney after he said he wanted to play in a different league next season. |
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Joke
by TheRizzler in Celebrities - Footballers - Added: 2 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 690.6
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The camera on my new mobile phone is brilliant. It even works under water. "That's great, Uncle Nigel, but can I finish my bath now please?" |
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I was serving this smug cunt in a suit in Burger King when he asked, "So, do you enjoy your job then?" "Yeah, it's ok," I replied. He said, "I'm designing a robot that, in years to come, will take your place." "Yeah? Good luck teaching it how to spit," I said, handing over his burger. |
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