JackTheRippa's Statistics
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User Statistics
| User Level: | User | ||
| Contribution Points: | 1540 | ||
| Total Joke Score: | 8,732 | ||
| Total Time Active: | 701 hours, 25 minutes | ||
The best of JackTheRippa's 692 jokes (View All).
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Iain Duncan-Smith: In some parts of Britain there are three generations of families where nobody has ever worked. I think he's referring to Buckingham Palace. |
 
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One Dies, Millions Cry. Millions Die, No One Cries. The difference between Whitney's death and the wank I just had. |
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Joke
by JackTheRippa in Celebrities - Whitney Houston - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago - Current Score: 369.8
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Some kids stopped me outside the shop earlier and said, "Hey mate, will you go in there and get us ten Richmond?" "Sure I will," I replied, taking their money. On the way out I gave them their sausages and informed them they only come in packs of eight. |
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I've come up with the perfect system that pays out every time I go to the bookies. Watch who wins then mug them on the way home. |
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I've just bought myself a hyena. Finally my jokes will be appreciated. |
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I've just played the Nigerian version of Cluedo. It turned out to be Abasiama Dideoluwakusidede, in the mud hut with somebody else's bank details. |
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"Eat your carrots!" Said my wife to our son, "They'll help you see in the dark." "And don't forget to eat your runner beans" I butted in. His future victims don't stand a chance. |
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I've just bought a border collie. The one I already had wasn't bored enough. |
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Just before I was sentenced to life in jail I decided to get a tattoo of my wife's face on my arse cheeks. Whoever tries raping me now is a braver man than I. |
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This morning, I looked in the mirror and saw my youth slipping away before my very eyes. So I said, "Oi, get back in that bed, I'm not finished with you yet." |
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