Grave's Statistics

There I was walking along the streets of Newport late at night and I happened to notice a "lady of the night" stood on the street corner.
Out of curiosity I asked, "How much do you charge?"
She repiled, "£50"
Off I went on my travels again and at the other end of the same street bumped into another "lady of the night".
Out of yet more curiosity I asked, "How much do you charge?"
She replied "£5. [...]

There I was walking along the streets of Newport late at night and I happened to notice a "lady of the night" stood on the street corner.
Out of curiosity I asked, "How much do you charge?"
She repiled, "£50"
Off I went on my travels again and at the other end of the same street bumped into another "lady of the night".
Out of yet more curiosity I asked, "How much do you charge?"
She replied "£5."
I said, "Blimey, that`s cheap, the other lady at the other end of the street wanted £50.
She said, "That`s because she has a womb."
I replied, "And you haven't?"
"No," she said, "we`d have to do it up against the wailings."

Little Johnny is a most shy and insecure boy and is taken to the Circus. Made to sit right in the front by his Auntie, and on come the Clowns. Immediately one runs to him and, thrusting a microphone under his nose says "Are you the front end of an Ass?" "No" says Johnny. "Are you the back end of an Ass?" "No" he replies. "Then I declare that you are no-end of an Ass" says the Clown triumphantly.

Little johnny runs straight home in [...]

Little Johnny is a most shy and insecure boy and is taken to the Circus. Made to sit right in the front by his Auntie, and on come the Clowns. Immediately one runs to him and, thrusting a microphone under his nose says "Are you the front end of an Ass?" "No" says Johnny. "Are you the back end of an Ass?" "No" he replies. "Then I declare that you are no-end of an Ass" says the Clown triumphantly.

Little johnny runs straight home in tears. His Mum says you must confront your fears to exorcise them from you forever and sends the poor boy back to the Circus the next day, only this time with Uncle Jim who is a master of the quick quip and witty repartee. "Watch your Uncle and learn" says Mum.
Next day and poor Johnny is back in the front row, but this time with Uncle Jim master of the quick quip and witty repartee.

Enter the Clowns, who this time make for Uncle Jim (master of the quick quip and witty repartee). "Are you the front end of an Ass?" they ask Jim, a master of the quick quip and witty repartee. "No" "Are you the back end of an Ass?" "No" says Jim, a master of the quick quip and witty repartee. "Then I declare that you are no end of an Ass"... But before the audience could react, Uncle Jim, a master of the quick quip and witty repartee, quick as a flash said "Fuck off you red nosed, big shoed cunt."

A bloke goes for the job of cook on a ship. The geezer who is interviewing asks "Can you fry eggs". "Can I fry eggs! I've worked in some of the top hotels in England" replies the bloke... "Give me half a dozen." So he's given six eggs which he starts to juggle with.

After a minute of brilliant juggling, he throws the eggs one-by-one over his shoulder towards the frying pan which is behind him. Each egg hits the side of the pan, cracks open and the s [...]

A bloke goes for the job of cook on a ship. The geezer who is interviewing asks "Can you fry eggs". "Can I fry eggs! I've worked in some of the top hotels in England" replies the bloke... "Give me half a dozen." So he's given six eggs which he starts to juggle with.

After a minute of brilliant juggling, he throws the eggs one-by-one over his shoulder towards the frying pan which is behind him. Each egg hits the side of the pan, cracks open and the shell falls into the bin below and the eggs slide unbroken into the frying pan.

"That's amazing," says the interviewer "but it must have been a fluke." "A fluke! Give me a dozen" says the bloke. He then proceeds to do even more elaborate juggling and repeat the finale so there's now eighteen unbroken eggs sizzling in the frying pan.

"Well then do I get the job" "No, you piss about too much!!"