GIZZARD's Profile Information:
I don't suffer from insanity
I enjoy every minute of it.
I enjoy every minute of it.
GIZZARD's Statistics
Note: once generated statistics are saved and may not be re-calculated for up to 48 hours. These statistics have just been generated for you. Aren't we nice?
User Statistics
| User Level: | User | ||
| Contribution Points: | 21 | ||
| Total Joke Score: | 8,616 | ||
| Total Time Active: | 27 hours, 44 minutes | ||
Joke Statistics
| Total Jokes Submitted: | 213 | Live Jokes: | 78 | |
| Total Deleted Jokes (including duplicates): | 135 | Duplicate Jokes: | 22 | |
| Average Joke Score (All Jokes): | 40.45 | Average Joke Score (Exc. Deleted): | 110.46 | |
| Average Time Before Deletion: | 6,533m | |||
| Favourite Subcategory | In The News > Earthquakes (7) | |||
The best of GIZZARD's 78 jokes (View All).
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I read in the paper that there are up to 100,000 battered women in the UK each year. And all this time I've been eating them raw. |
 
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Joke
by GIZZARD in Other - Wordplay (+ 1 more) - Added: 5 years, 2 months ago - Current Score: 1,157.2
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There's a hell of a lot of gang rape jokes about just now. Who'd be fucking crazy enough to try and rape a gang in the first place? |
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| An Italian walked over a library. |
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Joke
by GIZZARD in In The News - Earthquakes (+ 1 more) - Added: 4 years, 1 month ago - Current Score: 746.8
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What's the difference between a western girl and a Arab girl? The western girl gets stoned before she commits adultery. |
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After watching all the hundreds of tons of fireworks on the telly on new years eve, in my excitement I forgot to turn off the standby button on the TV. Hope I haven't increased my carbon footprint too much. |
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Chelsea FC will be sending two stretcher bearers and a physio to Frank Lampard's mums funeral. Just in case Didier Drogba falls in the box. |
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Fucking snowdrifts everywhere, I actually got buried today. Found six of my jokes though. |
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I've been doing some D.I.Y. around the house. So I rang the local council to ask if I could have a skip outside my house. The bloke from the council said, "You can cartwheel round the fucking block for all I care." |
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Joke
submitted by GIZZARD, originally by Tim Vine in Other - Wordplay - Added: 4 years, 11 months ago - Current Score: 334.2
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A feller was sitting on a park bench eating his lunch when an old lady with a poodle walked up. The dog was pestering the guy for some food, so he asks the old lady, "Is it ok if I throw him a bit?" She says, "Sure, go ahead." The feller grabbed the dog by the neck and chucked it over the hedge. |
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Looked out the window this morning ,and everywhere was white, I thought, what a pleasant change |
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