Embassy's Profile Information:
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Embassy's Statistics
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User Statistics
| User Level: | Admin | ||
| Total Joke Score: | 23,460 | ||
| Total Time Active: | 3,770 hours, 20 minutes | ||
The best of Embassy's 289 jokes (View All).
| Statistically... 9 out of 10 dyslexics enjoy a 'pear'. |
 
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Joke
by Embassy in Illness and mortality - Dyslexia (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 1,775.6
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You are on the bus and you really need to fart. The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. A couple of songs later you start to feel better. As you leave the bus, people are really giving you the evil eye, and that's when you remember... ...you've been listening to your iPod! |
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| I like birthdays, but I think too many can kill you. |
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Joke
by Embassy in Illness and mortality - Death (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 3 months ago - Current Score: 688.6
| He who laughs last thinks slowest. |
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So you don't want to go to school or get a job?
That's okay, we will pay you benefits. You are a teenager and rather than work you decide to get pregnant? That's okay, we will give you a house, pay your rent and council tax and give you generous benefits and you won't even have to give up cigarettes or drink. You were unruly at school? No problem, we will spend more money on you than we do on pupils who behave and want to learn - here, have another fag while I [...] |
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Jock was digging peat at his croft when a passing American tourist asks, "How much land do you have here?" "About two acres." Jock replies. "You know, back home it takes me a day to drive around my ranch!" the American boasts. "Aye," says Jock, "I once had a car like that." |
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Did you hear about the man who bought a sleeping bag? He spent 3 hours trying to wake it up. |
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Local Council: "We can't clear the roads because we've run out of grit." Hmm, I can't send you a cheque for my Council Tax because I've run out of stamps! |
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Joke
by Embassy in Politics - Council (+ 1 more) - Added: 4 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 441.2
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Very close friend and psychic Uri Geller has said that he is deeply shocked and saddened at the unexpected death of Michael Jackson. Some fucking psychic he is! |
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Joke
by Embassy in In The News - Celebrity Death (+ 1 more) - Added: 4 years, 0 months ago - Current Score: 421.4
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How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? No one knows... it's never been done. |
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