EdgarBriggs's Statistics
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User Statistics
| User Level: | User | ||
| Contribution Points: | 2 | ||
| Total Joke Score: | 11,105 | ||
| Total Time Active: | 3 hours, 0 minutes | ||
The best of EdgarBriggs's 60 jokes (View All).
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My dad fought in the war and survived mustard gas and pepper spray. He is now classed as a seasoned veteran. |
 
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My wife accused me of hating her family and relatives. I replied, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law a lot better than I like mine." |
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I'm sick of people knocking on my door, begging. There's just been a woman asking for donations for a sperm bank........ I gave her a right fucking mouthful. |
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A Jewish man asks, “Rabbi, what should I do? My son has converted to Christianity.” “I don’t know,” answered the Rabbi. “Come back tomorrow, and I’ll ask advice from God.” The man comes back the next day. “I can’t help you,” says the Rabbi. “God told me he has the same problem.” |
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I've done my bit for a charity this year and bought my kids advent calendars from The Spastics Society. They're okay, but the kids want to know why they have to lick the windows to get them to open. |
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Joke
by EdgarBriggs in Illness and mortality - Disability - Added: 4 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 452.2
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I had sex with this girl I met at a club last night. It was inevitable it was going to happen, you could tell, just by the chemistry. Rohypnol and chloroform. |
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I was taught, the real secret in business is honesty. Absolute, irresistible, downright, honesty. Once you learn to fake that, you?ll make a fortune. |
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Joke
submitted by EdgarBriggs, originally by George Burns in Other - Sayings - Added: 4 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 438.6
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My wife read me an article in a women's magazine, about "how a woman can tell if a bloke is any good in bed just by how he is on the dance-floor". What a load of bollocks! If a guy's on a dance-floor, getting into it and really enjoying and expressing himself, what does it matter to a woman what he's like in bed? It's obvious he's fucking gay. |
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Whenever my uncle tries to squeeze into a tight gap left between two parked cars, he starts to shake uncontrollably. I think he suffers from parking zones disease. |
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Joke
by EdgarBriggs in Illness and mortality - Parkinson's Disease - Added: 4 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 316.8
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At one point during a football game, the coach called one of his 12-year-old players aside and asked, “Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?”
The boy nodded. “Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?” The boy nodded, yes. “So,” the coach continued, “I'm sure you know, when a corner is given, you shouldn't argue, swear or call the ref a 'dickhead'. Do you understand all that?” Again the bo [...] |
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