Dristarg's Statistics
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User Statistics
| User Level: | User | ||
| Contribution Points: | 9852 | ||
| Total Joke Score: | 15,038 | ||
| Total Time Active: | 934 hours, 30 minutes | ||
The best of Dristarg's 353 jokes (View All).
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I have blue eyes. I got them from my father. My mother has black eyes. She also got them from my father. |
 
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Joke
submitted by Dristarg, originally by Sami Ameziane in Crime - Domestic Violence - Added: 2 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 1,261
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"9/11 organiser dead". Nonsense, I've never seen George W. Bush looking healthier. |
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A fat woman goes to her doctor and asks, "What are the easiest exercises I can take to lose weight?" He replies, "At certain times, just shake your head." "What 'certain times?'" "Whenever someone offers you food." |
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Joke
by Dristarg in Illness and mortality - Obesity - Added: 3 years, 0 months ago - Current Score: 495.4
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A middle-aged woman reads that vaginas get wider and deeper with age. So she tries to check her own by stripping off, putting a mirror on the floor and spreading her legs over it. Suddenly, her husband comes in and grabs her arm, violently pulling her away from where the mirror is laying. "You could have broken my arm!" she shouts at him. He points at the mirror and says "But if you'd fallen down that hole, you would have broken your neck." |
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Joke
submitted by Dristarg, originally by Chubby Brown in Sex and shit - Vagina - Added: 3 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 444.4
| A guy was arrested for groping a hotel receptionist. In court, his defence was: "When I arrived there, I drove through a gate marked ENTER, walked through a door saying PUSH, came to a desk with a bell that said PRESS and met a woman wearing a badge that said PAT." |
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Joke
submitted by Dristarg, originally by Benny Hill in Other - Wordplay (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 6 months ago - Current Score: 440.2
| Police raided Katie Price's home and found a man in her bedroom. They arrested him for loitering in a public place. |
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Joke
by Dristarg in Celebrities - Jordan/Katie Price - Added: 3 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 387.6
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A private is alone on sentry duty. His phone rings and a pompous voice asks, "Many cars in the officer's car park?"
The sentry looks out and replies, "Only the Rolls-Royce that belongs to old General 'Cuntface' Johnson." "Do you know who you're talking to? This IS General Johnson!" shouts the voice. "Do you know who YOU'RE talking to?" asks the private. "No," says Johnson. "Then fuck off, Cuntface," sa [...] |
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New Bond film's theme performed by Adele. A rare example of something beginning when the fat lady sings. |
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Victoria Beckham goes up to David and says: "I've just seen what's in the games room - why have you bought a coffin for me?" He replies: "That's not your coffin, it's a case for my snooker cue." |
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Joke
by Dristarg in Celebrities - Victoria Beckham - Added: 2 years, 11 months ago - Current Score: 334.6
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Ever seen that film "War Games"? A computer hacker nearly starts World War 3 when he and his girlfriend break into America's military defence system. But you have to suspend your disbelief, don't you? After all, it's a bit far-fetched, isn't it? I mean, come on - a computer hacker with a girlfriend? |
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