Craig.M's Statistics
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User Statistics
| User Level: | User | ||
| Contribution Points: | 926 | ||
| Total Joke Score: | 20,183 | ||
| Total Time Active: | 419 hours, 35 minutes | ||
The best of Craig.M's 191 jokes (View All).
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Gerry and Kate walk into a bar... That's when I made my move! |
 
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Joke
by Craig.M in In The News - Missing Persons - Added: 3 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 1,879.8
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My girlfriend and I went to a restaurant for dinner. It was a nice meal and we were ordering dessert. I asked the waiter how much the pie was. "£3.14 sir." he replied. "That's funny." I chuckled. "What's that sir?" he asked. "That Downs syndrome boy just tried to hug a heater and burnt himself." We both had a good laugh. |
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Joke
by Craig.M in Illness and mortality - Down's Syndrome - Added: 3 years, 2 months ago - Current Score: 1,786.4
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I opened a company selling landmines that look like prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof. |
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I always sleep naked. It's just more comfortable. This stewardess can fuck off. I don't care if there are young children on the plane. |
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"Can you tie a knot?" "I cannot." "So you can knot?" "No, I cannot knot." "Not knot?" "Who's there?" "Fuck off!" |
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It's true that sometimes your name matches what you do. Stephen Ireland - played football for Ireland Jason Scotland - played football in Scotland Scott Speed - NASCAR driver Tiger Woods - golfer Cardinal Sin - Filipino archbishop of Manilla Usain Bolt - fastest person in the world God only knows what I’ll do. What does the future hold for Pete O' Fyle? |
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What's big, Scottish and depressing? Scotland. |
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"Knock knock." "Who's there?" Not the best move Anne Frank ever made. |
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Joke
by Craig.M in Celebrities - Historical Figures - Added: 3 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 836.4
| Anne Frank's last words: "I'll answer the door." |
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Joke
by Craig.M in Celebrities - Historical Figures - Added: 3 years, 0 months ago - Current Score: 766.8
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I'm not saying my wife is fat. But if I had to pick five of the fattest people I could think of, she would be three of them. |
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Joke
by Craig.M in Illness and mortality - Obesity - Added: 2 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 562.2
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