Jokes under Politics > NHS

Lady rings her local hospital and this conversation follows:

Lady - Hello I'd like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree. She was admitted last week with chest pains and I just want to know if her condition has deteriorated, stabilised or improved?

Hospital - Do you know which ward she is in?

Lady - Yes, ward P, room 2B.

Hospital - I'll just put you through to the nurse station.

Nurse - Hello ward P, how can I help?
[...]

Lady rings her local hospital and this conversation follows:

Lady - Hello I'd like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree. She was admitted last week with chest pains and I just want to know if her condition has deteriorated, stabilised or improved?

Hospital - Do you know which ward she is in?

Lady - Yes, ward P, room 2B.

Hospital - I'll just put you through to the nurse station.

Nurse - Hello ward P, how can I help?

Lady - I would just like some information on a patient, Mrs Tiptree, I was wondering if her condition had deteriorated, stabilised or improved?

Nurse - I'll just check her notes. I'm pleased to say that Mrs Tiptree's conditioned has improved. She has regained her appetite, her temperature has steadied and after some routine checks tonight, she should be well enough to go home tomorrow.

Lady - Oh that's wonderful news, I'm so happy, thankyou ever so much!

Nurse - You seem very relieved, are you a close friend or relative?

Lady - No, I'm Mrs Tiptree in room 2b. Nobody tells you fuck all in here...

The Government has refused proper health care to many elderly citizens due
to their advancing years. It is a worrying problem for many but help is at hand.
Join the new free care plan today. If you are 60 years or older, you can
apply. All new members will receive a gun and four bullets.
You are allowed to shoot one MP (two if you live in England), one MSP (if you live
in Scotland), one councillor and just to be sure of a long sentence, someone you
rea [...]

The Government has refused proper health care to many elderly citizens due
to their advancing years. It is a worrying problem for many but help is at hand.
Join the new free care plan today. If you are 60 years or older, you can
apply. All new members will receive a gun and four bullets.
You are allowed to shoot one MP (two if you live in England), one MSP (if you live
in Scotland), one councillor and just to be sure of a long sentence, someone you
really don't like and think the world could do without.
As part of the plan, you will leave enough evidence to make sure you are caught and in due course will be sent to prison.There you will get a safe central heated environment, three meals a day, lots of
company, free TV and an assortment of games plus - most importantly - all the health care you need!
New teeth needed? No problem.
New glasses? They'll be provided free of charge.
New hip, knees, kidney, lung, heart? They're all covered too.
But, I can hear you ask, who will pay for all of this? Well, the same government
that told you they cannot afford your current health care.
And as an added bonus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay income
tax anymore. There is even the chance you may be able to claim for infringements of
your Human Rights, leaving money for your loved ones!
The United Kingdom! A GREAT country or what.

The British Medical Association has weighed in on the proposed health care reforms:

The Allergists have voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists have advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists have a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists think the government have a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians feel they are labouring under a misconception, while Ophthalmologists consider the idea short-sighted.

Pathologists h [...]

The British Medical Association has weighed in on the proposed health care reforms:

The Allergists have voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists have advised not to make any rash moves.

The Gastroenterologists have a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists think the government have a lot of nerve.

The Obstetricians feel they are labouring under a misconception, while Ophthalmologists consider the idea short-sighted.

Pathologists have come out strongly declaring, 'Over my dead body', while the Paediatricians said 'Oh Grow up'.

The Psychiatrists think the whole idea is madness, while the Radiologists can see right through it.

Surgeons are fed up with the cuts and have decided to wash their hands of the issue. ENT specialists won't swallow the proposals and just won't hear about it.

Pharmacologists think that it is a bitter pill to swallow, whilst Plastic Surgeons have observed, 'that this puts a whole new face on the matter'.

The Podiatrists think it is a big step forwards, but the Urologists are pissed off with the whole idea, whilst the Anaesthetists think the whole idea is a gas. Meanwhile the Cardiologists don't have the heart to say no.

In the end the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision to the arseholes in London.