Jokes under Sex and shit > Horny

My wife had been feeling frisky all night.

The lights were lowered and the gentle, seductive sound of a saxophone played through the air.

She slowly moved her hand up my thigh.

In a whispered tone she said, "I'm so horny, I want you right now."

Our hearts beat faster and soon we were in a moment of hot passion.

The sax solo rang out... till suddenly it hit a bum note.

"You've ruined my musica [...]

My wife had been feeling frisky all night.

The lights were lowered and the gentle, seductive sound of a saxophone played through the air.

She slowly moved her hand up my thigh.

In a whispered tone she said, "I'm so horny, I want you right now."

Our hearts beat faster and soon we were in a moment of hot passion.

The sax solo rang out... till suddenly it hit a bum note.

"You've ruined my musical recital," screamed our daughter, as she stormed off the school stage.

The rest of the audience sat in a stunned silence.

A hotel was all abuzz about a wedding; the groom was 95 and his bride was only 23. 
The groom looked very frail and everyone was worried that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy and lively young woman. 
But next morning, it was the bride who looked exhausted and dishevelled; she limped down the stairs, clinging to the banister. She finally made it to the reception desk, and the clerk asked "What happened to you, honey? You look like you've been [...]

A hotel was all abuzz about a wedding; the groom was 95 and his bride was only 23. 
The groom looked very frail and everyone was worried that the wedding night might kill him, because his bride was a healthy and lively young woman. 
But next morning, it was the bride who looked exhausted and dishevelled; she limped down the stairs, clinging to the banister. She finally made it to the reception desk, and the clerk asked "What happened to you, honey? You look like you've been wrestling an alligator!"
The bride hung onto the counter and groaned "Oh God! He told me he'd been saving up for over 70 years - I thought he meant his money."

A newly married sailor was informed by the Navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year. A few weeks after he got there he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter.

"My love," he wrote, "we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I'm starting to miss you and there's really not much to do here in the evenings. Besides that, we're constantly surrounded by young attractive native girls. D [...]

A newly married sailor was informed by the Navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year. A few weeks after he got there he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter.

"My love," he wrote, "we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I'm starting to miss you and there's really not much to do here in the evenings. Besides that, we're constantly surrounded by young attractive native girls. Do you think if I had a hobby of some kind I would not be tempted? "

So his wife sent him back a harmonica saying, "why don't you learn to play this?"

Eventually his tour of duty came to an end and he rushed back to his wife. "Darling" he said, "I can't wait to get you into bed so that we make passionate love!"

She kissed him and said, "First let's see you play that harmonica."