Jokes under Illness and mortality > Life And Death

36440

Every day, I beat my own previous record for the number of consecutive days I've stayed alive.

Joke by mickle in Illness and mortality - Life And Death - Added: 5 years, 0 months ago - Current Score: 505

Illness and mortality > Life And Death

69154

I had a fairytale childhood. My Grandma was eaten by a wolf.

Joke by Offended? in Illness and mortality - Life And Death - Added: 4 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 452.6

Illness and mortality > Life And Death

396915

Ahhh memories. I remember my mother used to say "There's a train coming, there's a train coming" when she fed me. I used to gobble up the food. Well if I didn't she wouldn't untie me from the tracks.

Joke by Mr. Twosheds in Other - Children (+ 2 more) - Added: 3 years, 2 months ago - Current Score: 425

Other > Children
Other > Family
Illness and mortality > Life And Death

11799

If at first you don't succeed, then skydiving definitely isn't for you.

Joke by bobbydgg in Sports - Extreme (+ 1 more) - Added: 5 years, 6 months ago - Current Score: 388.6

Sports > Extreme
Illness and mortality > Life And Death

627238

I hit a child at 30mph. Remembering the advert, I weighed up the law of averages and in the end, didn't see a need to stop... ...your honour.

Joke by Unassigned in Illness and mortality - Life And Death - Added: 2 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 276.4

Illness and mortality > Life And Death

329813

I switched off my wife's life support machine last night and realised how strong a person I am. You try unplugging something while four doctors try to wrestle you to the ground.

Joke by deccyg in Sex and shit - Wife (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 245.2

Sex and shit > Wife
Illness and mortality > Life And Death

668187

I found out yesterday that "Don't cry love, I'll make you another one", is not a very diplomatic way of consoling a mother after you've run her only child over.

Joke by geebee in Illness and mortality - Life And Death - Added: 2 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 232.4

Illness and mortality > Life And Death

445909

I get told all the time to keep turning off things which use electricity, to stop Global Warming. But apparently, there's exceptions in hospitals

Joke by minnijaf in Illness and mortality - Life And Death - Added: 3 years, 1 month ago - Current Score: 230.8

Illness and mortality > Life And Death

496805

I'm a bit worried about my Paki neighbours. I haven't seen or heard anything of them for a couple of weeks now, and yesterday I noticed this horrible smell coming from their house had gone.

Joke by Scooper in Racism - Pakistani (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 0 months ago - Current Score: 195.2

Racism > Pakistani
Illness and mortality > Life And Death

80874

Smart man + smart woman = romance Smart man + dumb woman = pregnancy Dumb man + smart woman = affair Dumb man + dumb woman = marriage

Joke by jokeywokey in Illness and mortality - Life And Death - Added: 4 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 182.6

Illness and mortality > Life And Death

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