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Jokes under Sex and shit > Divorce

69956
When I got divorced, my wife said she would fight for custody of the kids.
Took her out with one fucking punch.
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Joke by bawbag in Sex and shit - Divorce - Added: 4 years, 6 months ago - Current Score: 1,379.8


440828
That'll teach the bitch to keep the house in the divorce...

Before I left, I set 3 white rats free in the house with 1,2,& 4 written on their backs.
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Joke by miafay123 in Sex and shit - Divorce - Added: 3 years, 1 month ago - Current Score: 536.6




563182
What's better than winning the lottery?

Winning it the day after your divorce comes through.
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Joke by stash in Sex and shit - Divorce (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 11 months ago - Current Score: 511.4


18205
A married couple are driving along a motorway doing a steady 60 miles per hour. The wife is behind the wheel. Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice. "I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing,
Keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 65 mph. The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it," He says, "because I've been having an aff [...]

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Joke by mickle in Sex and shit - Divorce (+ 1 more) - Added: 5 years, 3 months ago - Current Score: 504


1201432
I really wanted to remarry the woman I divorced years ago, but she said I was only after my money. I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Little Red Rooster in Sex and shit - Divorce - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago - Current Score: 484.2


867652
I was at my divorce settlement yesterday, when I announced I would like to make a suggestion.
They agreed, so, I told them, "She can have the car, the house, all the funds in our joint account and full custody of our children on one condition... I get to keep whatever I have in my pocket."

"It's a fucking deal," my wife said, with a smug look on her face.

"You obviously didn't check the lottery numbers last night, did you?"
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Joke by Unassigned in Sex and shit - Divorce - Added: 2 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 416


298811
I recently split up with my wife; we both wanted different things.
I wanted to travel the world and see the sights and she wanted to be a fucking fat bitch.
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Joke submitted by new account, originally by Steve Coogan in Illness and mortality - Obesity (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 6 months ago - Current Score: 412


827210
I was just making a sandwich when I thought to myself,

'So, there is a downside to divorce'.
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Joke by Fubar in Sex and shit - Divorce - Added: 2 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 410.4


993300
From the Daily Mail website:

"Buzz Aldrin's marriage to his third wife has been dissolved after a quicky divorce".

Let's face it, once you have had a wank on the Moon, everything else is going to be second best.
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Joke by Pride of Lions in Sex and shit - Divorce - Added: 2 years, 0 months ago - Current Score: 324.2


914186
My wife left me the other day, because apparently "I'm too formal"

So I sent her a letter of complaint.
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Joke by Benbaggies in Sex and shit - Divorce - Added: 2 years, 2 months ago - Current Score: 312



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