Jokes under Celebrities > David Attenborough
| I'm not saying my wife is fat but when we were eating in the Chinese buffet last night, David Attenborough was narrating in the background. |
 
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Joke
by TheRizzler in Illness and mortality - Obesity (+ 2 more) - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago - Current Score: 249.8
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I was watching TV when I heard the news reader announce, "Sir David Attenborough is nearing a climax with his final episode of the TV series Frozen Planet." Now I like Frozen Planet as much as the next man, but that's just ridiculous. |
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The thing I admire about Sir David Attenborough is that in all those years of filming in dense jungle he has never blurted out: 'Look at the size of that fucking spider, Jesus Christ, it's a fucking monster! Steve get a look at this hairy cunt!! No way, man, keep that dirty big bastard away from my trouser legs. Get a shoe and kill the fucker, Quick! Quick!' Or perhaps they edit all that out. |
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David Attenborough and his team are excited to release new footage of chimps which apparently shows new evidence of violent mating. Can't wait to tell them it's just Rihanna and Chris Brown's sex tape. |
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Joke
by shurlockwhores in Racism - Black (+ 1 more) - Added: 4 years, 2 months ago - Current Score: 72.2
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David Attenborough: 'And sadly this Polar Bear will die from starvation.' Quick thought...why not feed the fucking thing?! |
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Joke
by e3b3n in Other - Animals/Insects (+ 2 more) - Added: 2 years, 1 month ago - Current Score: 45.8
| How come David Attenborough is always at the right place at the right time when a "once in a thousand years" nature event happens? |
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Joke
by Unassigned in Other - Animals/Insects (+ 2 more) - Added: 2 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 41.4
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I was at a party the other day trying to convince a girl to have sex with me and not having much success so i tried a different tactic Me "if planet earth was about to end would you have sex with me" Her " I suppose so" So i got up turned the tv on an then sat back down next to her Her "what are you doing" Me "I want to catch the end of my favourite david attenborough show..." |
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Joke
by vote4pedro in Sex and shit - Fucking (+ 2 more) - Added: 2 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 14.8
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I opened my curtains this morning and saw two dogs shagging in my back garden. And what's more there was some dirty old bastard filming it. So I got a bucket of water and slung it over the lot of them and told them to fuck off. I knew that David Attenborough would be trouble when he moved in next door. |
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Joke
by penny in Other - Animals/Insects (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 14.2
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I am so tired of watching fascinating wildlife documentaries narrated by David Attenborough. I guess I’m just bored with Life. |
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Joke
by theboywithaporninhisside in Other - Animals/Insects (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 5
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I had a shit time at David Attenborough's stag weekend. It was just full of old deers. |
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Joke
by SilverSprint in Celebrities - David Attenborough - Added: 1 year, 10 months ago - Current Score: 4.8
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