Jokes under Illness and mortality > Poisoning
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As the snake sunk its fangs into my hand, I screamed to the safari guide, "please say its been de-venomed!" "Of course it has!" He said. "How can you be sure?" I asked in a panic. "Because its just injected it all into your hand," he replied. |
 
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Joke
by sick.fucker in Other - Animals/Insects (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago - Current Score: 14.8
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Finally managed to persuade my wife to try some homemade sushi. "I've always been a bit wary of it," she said. "Just doesn't seem right, eating raw food, but this is delicious!" "Here, have some more," I replied, offering her the plate. "Thanks," she said. "And who'd have thought you could use chicken and pork as well as fish?" |
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With eight kids I don't know if I can afford Christmas this year. So I'm fitting a dodgy boiler and crossing my fingers. |
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Four-leaf clovers are lucky. Except the ones you find in Chernobyl. |
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Joke
by 8 ace in In The News - Chernobyl (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 months, 23 days ago - Current Score: 7.2
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I tried to poison my wife by putting Brasso in her food. Unfortunately it didn't work. But she did managed to push out a few well polished turds. |
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News: 'Man Dies After Drinking Weedkiller' Well, he was obviously a weed. |
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Joke
by trampface in Illness and mortality - Poisoning - Added: 2 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 6.4
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Just made my mother-in-law some fantastic mushroom soup. Well the mushrooms i found in the garden looked nice so it was a shame to waste them before i cut the grass. |
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Joke
by commandochris in Illness and mortality - Poisoning - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago - Current Score: 5.4
| Louis Wainwright and Nicholas Smith who died of plant food poisoning have now been buried and can truly be said to be 'pushing up the Daisies'. |
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Joke
by Arse-feta in Illness and mortality - Poisoning - Added: 3 years, 2 months ago - Current Score: 5.2
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I bought an oil burner for my family. I've heard certain oils give off relaxing fumes. It's great, when I get home the kids are asleep and the missus seams quieter too. Carbon monoxide works a treat. |
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| Revenge is a dish best served Raw! |
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Joke
by Rodleybongs in Illness and mortality - Poisoning - Added: 1 year, 5 months ago - Current Score: 3.4
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