Jokes under Other > Mythical

If the zombie apocalypse ever happens, I'm just going to surround my house with outward facing treadmills.
I should be fine.

Joke by Nevil1950 in Other - Mythical - Added: 2 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 1,583

If vampires can't see their reflections, how come their hair is always so neat?

Joke by mickle in Other - Paradox (+ 1 more) - Added: 4 years, 11 months ago - Current Score: 863.8

My girlfriend wants me to take her to see Twilight Eclipse on Sunday, she told me it was about vampires and werewolves, sounds good doesn't it?
So I watched both prequel films today to get myself up to speed.

Well, turns out I've been wrong for years! I always thought Vampires sucked blood; where as the ones in Twilight suck Cock.

Joke by 6myth in Sex and shit - ??? General (+ 2 more) - Added: 2 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 604.2

Noah's diary: Day 39.
Unicorn pie is fucking delicious!

Joke by stallion sd in Other - Mythical - Added: 1 year, 11 months ago - Current Score: 405.6

What did one lesbian vampire say to the other lesbian vampire?

"See you next month!"

Joke by ht in Sex and shit - Lesbians (+ 1 more) - Added: 5 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 332

After watching a few zombie films I've come to the conclusion that I would be a cameraman in the event of a zombie-apocalypse.

They never seem to attack them.

Joke by battycrack in Other - Mythical - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago - Current Score: 289.8

Following a big crash on the M5, police said they expect the number of dead to rise.
That's all we need, fucking zombie crash victims.

Joke by Cabron Monoxide in In The News - Crashes (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 year, 6 months ago - Current Score: 212.8

I bet Dracula does all his shopping online, just so he can keep clicking on 'Your Account'.

Joke submitted by MetalMarcius, originally by Gary Delaney in Other - Mythical - Added: 2 years, 1 month ago - Current Score: 207.6

I was watching Twilight the other day and I'd have to say my favourite scene by far was about 21 minutes and 38 seconds in, when my electricity ran out.

Joke by sick.fucker in Other - Mythical - Added: 2 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 196.8

Edward Cullen.

He doesn't bite people, he looks like he resides in the woods, and he sparkles. Face it, he's not a real vampire. He's a fairy.

Joke by teh_wolfie in Other - Mythical - Added: 3 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 190.4

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