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Jokes under Crime > Rape

2487
Why does John Leslie cry after sex?

That's what mace does to you.
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Joke by Dandyboy in Sex and shit - Rape (+ 1 more) - Added: 5 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 2,072.6


510635
If Harry Potter's so clever, why hasn't he put the magic potion, Rohypnolus Rapeum, into Hermione's drink?

Gay bastard.
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Joke by Mr Stu Pidtwat in Crime - Rape - Added: 2 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 869




1238763
As a struggling actor I was thrilled when my agent phoned with an audition.

"The part's made for you," he said. "They want someone your age, height and build with an accent like yours, and it's being filmed about 5 minutes from your house."

"It sounds perfect!" I replied excitedly. "What is it?"

"It's a Crimewatch rape reconstruction."

"Erm... No... I'm busy that day..."
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Joke by Dog Botherer in Sex and shit - Rape (+ 2 more) - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago - Current Score: 663


1011000
I'm the world's worst rapist.
I was stalking this girl in the park. I had my handkerchief already soaked in chloroform, when suddenly she turned and looked at me. I nonchalantly pretended to blow my nose.......and woke up an hour later slumped over a park bench.
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Joke by frankspankard in Crime - Rape - Added: 1 year, 10 months ago - Current Score: 524


58075
Kobe Bryant.. putting the 'ape' into rape since August 23, 1978 I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by sjf1001 in Sports - Basketball (+ 1 more) - Added: 4 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 465.6


1020370
Me and my mates saw this really fit bird in this club last night. We walked over to her and said, 'Is E the only letter next to F in the alphabet?'

'Or G?' she replied.

And that, your honour, is why it should not count as gangrape.
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Joke by MayorMcAids in Sex and shit - Group Sex (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 year, 10 months ago - Current Score: 416.6


1276065
As I followed the girl down the alleyway, I approached her from behind.

Throwing her to the ground - breaking two of her ribs, I forcefully removed her knickers and raped her brutally while holding my knife to her neck.

"You tell anyone about this, and I'll hunt you down you worthless slut," I said pulling up my jeans.

"Cut! You've taken this too far," said the Crime Watch reconstruction director.
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Joke by sick.fucker in Crime - Rape - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago - Current Score: 365.2


1196419
I was shagging this German girl last night. She didn't speak much English, but I think she wanted me to try out some more adventurous positions.

I mean I've heard of a sixty-nine, but what sort of position is a nine nine nine nine nine?
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Joke by tom2345 in Crime - Rape - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago - Current Score: 350.4


1236344
You know you're good at sex when she tells her friends.....

.....and her family......and the police.
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Joke by gazzytee in Crime - Rape - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago - Current Score: 331.6


1112605
Rape is a strong word.

Not according to Hotmail when I try to use it as a password for my account.
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Joke by sick.fucker in Crime - Rape - Added: 1 year, 7 months ago - Current Score: 328



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