Jokes under Illness and mortality > Medical
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I knew this girl who wanted bigger boobs, but couldn't afford proper implants, so she had her uncle make her a false set out of pine. Would be great if I had a punchline to go with that though, wooden tit? |
 
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Joke
submitted by f1tz1e, originally by Tim Vine in Illness and mortality - Medical - Added: 2 years, 1 month ago - Current Score: 887
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I am a doctor in a busy maternity unit. Today a postman rushed his wife in with multiple puncture wounds to the lung and stomach which had served to induce a premature labour.
She had fallen on her cucumber frames whilst gardening and the lacerations were causing rapid and massive blood loss. The postman was understandably distraught and tears were running down his face as he begged me to save her. I lay the patient on a bed so she would be more comfortable, and I sto [...] |
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Joke
by spiritleader in Other - Professions (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 285.2
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Impressively, only 2% of the people I operated on died last year. But for some reason the authorities think that's too high for a dentist. |
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Joke
by thew in Illness and mortality - Medical - Added: 2 months, 19 days ago - Current Score: 263.6
| I suffer from aibohphobia-the fear of palindromes. |
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Joke
by mickle in Other - Definitions (+ 1 more) - Added: 4 years, 11 months ago - Current Score: 228.8
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"Oral or anal first?" my wife asked with a grin. "What do you think?" "I'm thinking anal," she smiled. "Okay," I sighed. "I suppose I've got to take both tablets at some point." |
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Joke
by Turbo-Tampon in Sex and shit - Anal (+ 2 more) - Added: 1 year, 4 months ago - Current Score: 162.4
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A Blonde's Dictionary Of Medical Terms: -
Artery: Study of paintings Bacteria: Back door to a cafeteria Barium: What to do when treatment fails Bowel: A letter A E I O or U Cardiology: Advanced study of poker Cat Scan: Searching for ones lost kitty Cauterize: Made eye contact with her Coma: Punctuation mark D & C: Where Washington is Dilate: To live long [...] |
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A young husband and wife were sunning on a nude beach when a wasp buzzed into the woman's vagina. The husband covered her with a coat, pulled on his shorts, carried her to the car and made a dash to the hospital.
After examining her, the doctor explained that the wasp was too far in to be reached with forceps. He suggested the husband try to entice it out by putting honey on his penis, penetrating her and withdrawing as soon as he felt the wasp. The man agreed to tr [...] |
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Joke
by superstar7 in Sex and shit - ??? General (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 110.6
| Statistically.... 9 out of 10 injections are in vein. |
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Joke
by Scooterloot in Illness and mortality - Medical - Added: 3 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 95.4
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A man goes to the doctors. "I think I'm a Tyrannosaurus Rex" he says. "Hmm," says the Doc. "Open wide and say 'Ahh', please." The man opens his mouth as wide as he can and says "Raaaaar!" "Good, good. Now stand and touch your toes." says the Doc. "Are you taking the piss?" says the man. "With these arms?" |
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Scientists in Sweden have announced that they have found the longest hair on the human body, it runs from your arse to your eyelash. Oh come on! It doesn't take a bloody scientist to figure that out, everyone knows that if you pull a hair out of your arse, it makes your fuckin' eyes water. |
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Joke
by pornstar in Illness and mortality - Medical - Added: 4 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 82.6
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