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Jokes under Illness and mortality > Grave

299530
After spending time on this site, we have decided to cremate Grandma.

We feel it would be safer. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by davecrocket in Sex and shit - Necrophiliac (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 543.6


190241
Its great being a ventriloquist.

Especially at funerals. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by boroboy in Illness and mortality - Grave - Added: 3 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 106.2




169946
My girlfriend asked me what my sexual fantasy was.
I told her I wanted to have sex in a graveyard.
She said she wasn't really into that idea so I said, "Who said you were involved?" 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by runchick in Illness and mortality - Grave - Added: 3 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 28


961805
I've been told to quieten my laugh at work.

Usually by the mourners. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Aspen in Illness and mortality - Grave - Added: 2 years, 0 months ago - Current Score: 27.8


359098
The breakdown in family values and the sheer greed of modern society is an absolute fucking disgrace. My dear old Gran would be turning in her grave....

...If we hadn't sold the plot and had her cremated. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by sacredcow in Illness and mortality - Grave - Added: 3 years, 2 months ago - Current Score: 24.6


696407
Just walked passed the 'co-operative funeral care' building. Are they suggesting that many other funeral places are un co-operative?

"So we were thinking we'd like a burial service?"

"No I don't think so madam."

"Well we'd like the headstone to read..."

"Let me stop you there... You want a piece of concrete that can read?! Not possible."

"Oh come on, let's leave. This is pointl [...]

 I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by mangiballs in Illness and mortality - Grave - Added: 2 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 20.4


1131162
I was in a graveyard recently, just having a quick stroll after lunch, when I discovered three identical graves side by side. The inscription on the first gravestone was:

"Here Lies the Famous Shell Game Player, Arthur Rennie. 1943 - 2007."

Curious, I glanced at the other two gravestones, which both read:

"Or here?" 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Little Red Rooster in Illness and mortality - Grave - Added: 1 year, 7 months ago - Current Score: 15.4


686793
As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Kentucky back country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and [...]

 I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by 700819841 in Events - Funerals (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 14


288538
Sometimes coming on here is exactly like going to a grave yard;

I unbury a couple, just to have a look. and I'm always having a wank 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Ellenparcelmunch in Illness and mortality - Grave - Added: 3 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 12


144175
Cremation - I bet that makes you look like death warmed up.. I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by goonerphil in Illness and mortality - Grave - Added: 3 years, 11 months ago - Current Score: 10.8



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