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Jokes under Illness and mortality > Allergies

802861
May contain traces of nut-

For the daredevils among nut allergists. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Philzy in Illness and mortality - Allergies - Added: 2 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 407.4


154490
I bought some dry roasted peanuts from Tesco. I looked at the packet and it said "Warning. Contains Nuts". Luckily, this prevented me from eating them and going into anaphylactic shock due to my severe nut allergy.

My lactose intolerant friend wasn't so lucky, as the half pint of milk he bought from Tesco outrageously contained no such warning of its contents.  		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by furiousg in Other - Food and Drink (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 343.4




1258590
Damn this hay fever.

I sneezed while putting fuel in at the garage today.

Cost me £20. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by sten in Illness and mortality - Allergies - Added: 1 year, 2 months ago - Current Score: 240.6


807616
Every time I hear a joke, I puke - must be my gag-reflex. I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by derryrob in Illness and mortality - Allergies - Added: 2 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 215.6


980626
We've discovered our daughter suffers from severe allergic reactions to wheat, soy, dairy and eggs.

So her birthday cake this year is just a candle. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by emptyhead in Illness and mortality - Allergies - Added: 1 year, 11 months ago - Current Score: 180


1298713
My wife has a bee in her bonnet again.
It seems to happen quite a lot since the doctor told her a sting from one could be fatal. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Cabron Monoxide in Sex and shit - Wife (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 year ago - Current Score: 64.2


519503
BBC News: A 14-year-old girl from Bedfordshire with an allergy had to go to hospital after a kiss from a boyfriend had traces of nuts on his lips.

Not the best way to find out your bloke is gay, one would assume. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by dicaldio1 in Illness and mortality - ??? Other (+ 2 more) - Added: 2 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 54.4


1358248
On a bottle of sauce:
"Recipe: nut free. Ingredients: cannot guarantee nut free. Factory: Nuts used elsewhere in factory."

Or in other words:
"Nut allergy sufferers: DO YOU FEEL LUCKY?" 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Pixman in Other - Advice (+ 1 more) - Added: 8 months ago - Current Score: 50.6


245346
I ended up back at this girl's flat the other night.
We were fucking away and she was panting and gasping and thrashing around.
I felt like a right stud.
Right up until she screamed "Stop! I need my inhaler!" 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by drof in Illness and mortality - Allergies - Added: 3 years, 6 months ago - Current Score: 44.2


626656
Humpty Dumpty was lying in bed
His girlfriend was sucking his cock.
But poor little Meg
was allergic to egg
and she went into anaphylactic shock. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by ThePhoenix in Other - Nursery Rhymes (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 44



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