Jokes under Crime > Blackmail
| I bet you £567.89 you can't guess how much I owe my bookie. |
 
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I've been receiving death threat letters through the post for the last three months. I'm convinced it's the postman. |
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I spoke to one of my wife's kidnappers today. He said, "We want 50 grand or we kill your wife." I said, "Can't you make it 100 grand?" He said, "You think she's worth more?" I said, "No... I haven't got 100 grand." |
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So I picked up a USB memory stick somebody had dropped outside the university library today. I had a look to see what was on it and discovered it belonged to a gorgeous woman. I quickly got in touch with her about it and found out that it held the only copy of her dissertation. So, obviously, I spent a great deal of time trying to come up with a chat up line that involved me "being the hero" and "saving the damsel in distress" and eventually I came up with the perfect one:
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My bank manager is going to cancel all my incurred bank charges tomorrow. And I shall keep my end of the bargain by releasing his kids. |
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Blackmail. The only crime named after it's primary suspect. |
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Joke
by asinglecrumpet in Racism - Black (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 63
| Apparently the moment during sex when you mistakenly slip into the wrong hole isn't the kind of video camera accident that 'You've Been Framed' are interested in. Fortunately for me, her Dad was more than happy to pay 250 quid for the tape. |
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Joke
by boombyebye in Sex and shit - Anal (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 55.4
| In a recent survey, 100% of blackmail victims believe blackmail should be legal. |
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Joke
by Fuckmesideaysagain in Crime - Blackmail (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 36.6
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I just got a new roommate. At least until her parents pay the ransom. |
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At my job interview yesterday the MD said to me, "Why do you think I should give you this job?" I said, "Because my best mate Dave works in your IT department, and he's told me you're shagging your secretary." |
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