Jokes under Crime > Drink Driving
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"Sir, could you please step out of the vehicle?" "I'm too drunk, you get in." |
 
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| If you drink and drive you're a fucking idiot, but if you make it home you're a fucking legend. |
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When I was a teenager, my parents frequently talked to me about drinking and driving. They sometimes bragged about drugs as well. |
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Whilst driving yesterday I saw a banner over the road saying 'The Influence.' Fucking cops then pulled me over for driving under it. |
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Nothing says, "Sorry I ran over your daughter" No, seriously, nothing. Not even Moonpig.com |
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I've just sped through a village at 120mph, drunk, killing a mother and child. Fuck knows why they've got a 'Thank you for driving carefully' sign. |
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Joke
by Mr Stu Pidtwat in Crime - Drink Driving - Added: 2 years, 11 months ago - Current Score: 253.2
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On New Year's Eve, Daniel was in no shape to drive so he sensibly left his van in the car park and walked home.
As he was wobbling along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at four o'clock in the morning?" asked the police officer. "I'm on my way to a lecture," answered Daniel. "And who on Earth, in their right mind, is going to give a lecture at this time on New Year's Eve?" enquired the constable sa [...] |
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Just going home from the pub, when I smashed into some pakis' car and killed all of them. Carlsberg don't do car crashes, but they do cause them. |
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Police are such idiots. I got pulled over the other day for weaving. I can't even fucking sew, let alone weave, especially when I'm pissed. |
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I can't believe that I got arrested the other night for speeding in a 30mph zone. I was only going at 32mph or 33mph, I'm not quite sure which one it was though, I was pretty drunk at the time. |
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