Jokes under Sex and shit > Masturbation
New Miley Cyrus DVD: £15
Tub of Vaseline: £3
XL Box of Tissues: £2
The look of disgust on the cashier's face as you pay: Priceless
PornHub, I'm sitting in the dark with my pants around my ankles, jizz in my palm and sweat all over my chest...
Does it look like I'm here to play poker?
I went to see the nurse this morning for my annual check-up. She told me that I have to stop wanking.
I asked, "Why?"
She replied, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
|Nothing says 'almost caught masturbating' like having your mum walking in on you looking at the Google homepage.|
My wife said, "Why is the laptop all sticky?"
I said, "It's not what you think, it's ice cream."
She said, "How did you manage to get ice cream all over the laptop?"
I said, "Have you ever tried eating an ice cream whilst masturbating?"
I've been teaching my daughter about masturbation today and she's been asking loads of questions...
Like, "When do I get to use my own hand?"
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