Jokes under Crime > Fight
| Bloody Nokia predictive text. I only texted a few of my North London mates asking if they fancied a pint. |
 
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Joke
by flowncanary in Crime - Fight (+ 1 more) - Added: 1 year, 9 months ago - Current Score: 1,410.4
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I was walking down the street the other day and I saw these two blind blokes squaring up to fight. I shouted "My money's on the one with the knife." You should have seen how fast they both ran off. |
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Joke
by mcfuck in Illness and mortality - Blindness (+ 2 more) - Added: 3 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 1,030.2
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I just put up some new shelves and when I finished they weren't level, so my girlfriend started having a go at me. "You're useless at DIY, you can't do anything properly, you're pathetic. How can you fuck up simple measurements?" So I beat her to within an inch of her life...although as she hasn't moved since, I might have gone a few inches over. |
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Joke
by The Brutal Truth in Crime - Domestic Violence (+ 2 more) - Added: 2 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 709.8
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I have my first cage fight next week. That budgie won't know what's hit it. |
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I witnessed five skinheads beating up a frail old lady across the street last night. I didn't intervene because I didn't know who started it. |
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I was in the pub when a guy called me a cheapskate. So I threw his drink in his face. |
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I knocked into a bloke outside the pub last night. He squared-up to me and called me a "Fucking wanker". I said, "Be reasonable, mate, it's one or the other." |
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I have just seen on a cigarette packet 'Smoking can harm others around you'. After my experience last night, I think they should put a warning like that on Stella. |
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Joke
by xxxxxx in Illness and mortality - Smoking (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 2 months ago - Current Score: 280.8
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I was on the train the other day when this cunt starts getting stroppy. Words were exchanged and a tussle ensued. Next minute I know, we're running along the roof of the train just like in the films, each of us trying to push the other one off. It ended I'm glad to say, with me as the victor .... my opponent forgetting to duck as we approached an over-head bridge. But next time I'll just buy a ticket. |
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BBC Headline: "Woman, 106, loses care home fight" I can't wait to watch the highlights of this. |
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Joke
by yourmumsface in In The News - Headlines (+ 2 more) - Added: 3 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 167.4
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