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Jokes under Illness and mortality > Death

61582
Have you ever noticed that it's only 'perfect' people who are murdered or killed in horrific accidents?
"He was the perfect son" or "She was the perfect daughter."
"Such a tragic accident they were the perfect family."
"They died together, the perfect couple till the end."
Makes me glad I abuse my kids and beat up my wife.
Kind of makes me immortal. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by justincider in Illness and mortality - Death - Added: 4 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 6,173


98354
Hi, I'm Francesca Anobile, Welcome to Jackass. I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by ark7 in Illness and mortality - Death (+ 1 more) - Added: 4 years, 3 months ago - Current Score: 2,718.2




182682
The biggest downside of sudden unexpected death is being unable to delete your Internet search history. I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by fox in the box in Illness and mortality - Death - Added: 3 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 2,428.8


359092
My 84 year old grandad was decorating our front room earlier and unfortunately whilst in the middle of doing so his body gave up and he kicked the bucket.

The daft bastard got paint everywhere! 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by mmmmmmm in Illness and mortality - Death - Added: 3 years, 3 months ago - Current Score: 2,307.4


644265
BBC News: Two pedestrians die in collision.

Fuck, how fast must they have been walking? 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Six inch girth in Illness and mortality - Death (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 2,124.8


38967
I went into Clinton cards today. I said to the woman behind the counter, "Do you sell bereavement cards?"

She said, "Yes, sir."

So I said, "Could I exchange one for this get well soon card I bought yesterday?" 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by pornstar in Illness and mortality - Death - Added: 4 years, 11 months ago - Current Score: 2,056.6


1027199
It was my mate's funeral this week. He was always a practical joker, and fair play, he made us laugh right to the end. Silly fucker had the coffin rigged somehow so that when it was being lowered into the ground, a tape of him saying, "Ha! Fooled you... I'm alive!" started playing. It was followed by things like, "Lads... Really. I'm not dead, let me out!"

We were all in stitches. Even the Vicar was pissing himself.

RIP Dave... Fucking legend. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by WTD in Illness and mortality - Death - Added: 1 year, 11 months ago - Current Score: 1,870.2


87724
Sticking a legal disclaimer on this site isn't going to stop anyone is it?

I mean, sticking a barbed wire fence at the bottom of the hill didn't stop Francesca did it? 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by MightyBoosh in Illness and mortality - Death - Added: 4 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 1,804.8


12520
Imagine my joy when I was getting out the Christmas decorations and found a present I forgot to give my kids last year. Their excited faces were a picture as they unwrapped it and opened the box.

Such a pity it was a puppy. 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by bobbydgg in Illness and mortality - Death (+ 1 more) - Added: 5 years, 6 months ago - Current Score: 1,666


560144
Sky News: Boy aged four found dead in a tumble dryer.

Don't they know if you wash him at 30, there's an 80% chance he'll live? 		I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Crafty in Illness and mortality - Death - Added: 2 years, 11 months ago - Current Score: 1,596.6



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