Jokes under Racism > South African

Three South Africans, a black and two whites, are in jail, discussing what they're in for.

The first white South African is asked what he's in for, to which he replied "Robbery, and I got two years. The judge said it was lucky it wasn't armed robbery, or I'd have got five years."

The second white South African is asked next, to which he replied "Sexual assault, and I got 7 years. The judge said it was lucky it wasn't rape, or I'd have got ten years.&q [...]

Three South Africans, a black and two whites, are in jail, discussing what they're in for.

The first white South African is asked what he's in for, to which he replied "Robbery, and I got two years. The judge said it was lucky it wasn't armed robbery, or I'd have got five years."

The second white South African is asked next, to which he replied "Sexual assault, and I got 7 years. The judge said it was lucky it wasn't rape, or I'd have got ten years."

The black South African is finally asked, to which he replied "Riding my bike without a light, and I got life. The judge said it was lucky it wasn't dark, or I'd be facing a firing squad!"

Two South African policeman are patrolling one afternoon in the days of the strict government regime.
A young black teenager rides past on his bicycle. Seeing him, the first policeman takes out his gun and shoots the boy in the head.
His partner says, "What the fuck did you do that for?"
"Because there is a strict six o'clock curfew on all Negroes!" replies the shooter.
Still surprised, his mate exclaims, "It's only 4.30!"
"I [...]

Two South African policeman are patrolling one afternoon in the days of the strict government regime.
A young black teenager rides past on his bicycle. Seeing him, the first policeman takes out his gun and shoots the boy in the head.
His partner says, "What the fuck did you do that for?"
"Because there is a strict six o'clock curfew on all Negroes!" replies the shooter.
Still surprised, his mate exclaims, "It's only 4.30!"
"I know," states the shooter, "but I know where he lives and he'd never get home by six o'clock."

Three black men are in court in South Africa facing charges of murder.
The judge asks the prosecution for the evidence on the first man.
"We found a gun in his pocket, your honour."
"Okay," says the judge, "it's the the death sentence."
The prosecution then says, "On the second man, we also found a gun in his pocket."
The judge says, "He gets the death penalty as well."
The third black man steps forward.< [...]

Three black men are in court in South Africa facing charges of murder.
The judge asks the prosecution for the evidence on the first man.
"We found a gun in his pocket, your honour."
"Okay," says the judge, "it's the the death sentence."
The prosecution then says, "On the second man, we also found a gun in his pocket."
The judge says, "He gets the death penalty as well."
The third black man steps forward.
The prosecution says, "We never found a gun, your honour, all we found was twenty-five pence in his pocket."
The judge says, "It's the death sentence again."
The prosecution says, "Are you sure, your honour?"
The judge replied, "Of course I'm sure; he was saving up for a fucking gun."

In a Squalid South African township, outside of a large white city. a Riot starts. Police send in the armoured cars, and they're ready to issue a beating. The international journalists are behind the lines as the riot continues to build a head of steam.

One boer sarge emerges, takes out his bullhorn - "THEES EES EN EELEEGEL GETHERING - DEESPERSE EEMEEDIETLEY OR WEE WEEL DEEPLOY WATER KENNONS."

No-one moves, so the the police knock the shit out of the townspeop [...]

In a Squalid South African township, outside of a large white city. a Riot starts. Police send in the armoured cars, and they're ready to issue a beating. The international journalists are behind the lines as the riot continues to build a head of steam.

One boer sarge emerges, takes out his bullhorn - "THEES EES EN EELEEGEL GETHERING - DEESPERSE EEMEEDIETLEY OR WEE WEEL DEEPLOY WATER KENNONS."

No-one moves, so the the police knock the shit out of the townspeople with the water cannons. They disperse pretty rapidly, but then mass again in force.

Yet again, boer sarge emerges, clicks on the bullhorn - "THEES EES EN EELEEGEL GETHERING - DEESPERSE EEMEEDIETLEY OR WEE WEEL DEEPLOY TEE-ERR GES"

No-one moves, so they knock the shit out of the townspeople with the tear gas. They disperse pretty rapidly, but then mass again in force.

Again, boer sarge pops up, takes out his bullhorn - "THEES EES EN EELEEGEL GETHERING - DEESPERSE EEMEEDIETLEY OR WEE WEEL DEEPLOY RABBER BOOLETS"

No-one moves, so they knock the shit out of the townspeople with the rubber bullets. They disperse pretty rapidly, but then mass again in force.

By this point, the journalists are getting nervous and a few are leaving thinking they're going to get moered.

Boer sarge has one more trick up his sleeve - "THEES EES EN EELEEGEL GETHERING - DEESPERSE EEMEEDIETLEY OR WEE WEEL DEEPLOY DOGS"

No-one moves, so they let loose the canine unit. EVERY single townsperson disappears at top speed, chased by several angry, hungry dogs each. The riot is quelled.

The journalists are amazed. "How the hell did you get them to disperse with just the dogs? Why not just send them in first?"

Boer sarge replies "Well bro, unless you wash 'em, fumigate 'em and tenderise 'em tha bladdy dogs won't eat 'em"