Jokes under Illness and mortality > Colostomy
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"I'm going to have to perform an emergency colostomy operation immediately." the doctor told me. "What's going to happen?" I asked. "It isn't pleasant. I'll have to remove part of your colon, divert the rest of it to a hole in your side from which you will excrete into a bag for the rest of your life." "Is there an alternative?" I pleaded. "Yes, you can stop fucking my wife." |
 
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Joke
by poindexter in Illness and mortality - Colostomy - Added: 11 months ago - Current Score: 151.8
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My grandma asked me once, "Why do you always take the piss out of me?" I replied, "Because your stomach bag would overflow if I didn't gran." |
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Joke
by scum in Illness and mortality - Colostomy - Added: 3 years, 1 month ago - Current Score: 126.8
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Don't confuse a colostomy bag with a whoopee cushion. It totally spoils your grandad's 90th. |
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Joke
by tartanspartan in Illness and mortality - Colostomy - Added: 1 year, 10 months ago - Current Score: 36.8
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Got a bag for life today. My doctor called it a colostomy bag. |
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Joke
by copsncrooks in Illness and mortality - Colostomy - Added: 3 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 26
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I was on the sofa kissing a girl I'd chatted up at the party. I decided to go for it. So I slid my hand up her dress. "You feel hot and wet." I whispered in her ear. She said, "Sorry, my colostomy bag must have burst. |
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Joke
by stash in Illness and mortality - Colostomy - Added: 1 year, 9 months ago - Current Score: 18.6
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My Colostomy bag split open yesterday while I was on the train. The smell was terrible, but thankfully nobody noticed. I was standing next to a Paki. |
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Joke
by Secretspy in Illness and mortality - Colostomy - Added: 1 year, 1 month ago - Current Score: 11.6
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My wife told me she's too ill for oral sex. I almost choked on her colostomy bag. |
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Joke
by STD in Illness and mortality - Colostomy - Added: 2 years, 11 months ago - Current Score: 9.2
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My 78 year old grandad showed guts when he went on the Nemesis at Alton towers, His colostomy bag burst half way round. |
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Joke
by cheesemaps in Illness and mortality - Colostomy - Added: 1 year, 11 months ago - Current Score: 8.4
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I was offered a cocktail with liquid nitrogen in, but refused. I don't think I have the stomach for it. |
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| When my doctor said I'd need a colostomy bag, I was lost for turds. |
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Joke
by Mr Stu Pidtwat in Illness and mortality - Colostomy - Added: 2 years, 0 months ago - Current Score: 6
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