Jokes under Crime > Fraud

I've had an email telling me that a long lost relative of mine has snuffed it (never even heard of him so no real grief) and left me £900,000 in his will.

Apparently he died in Africa somewhere and this Attorney bloke, Jackson Nkomo, emailed me to let me know the news.

He said that he needed £8,000 to get all the admin sorted so obviously I transferred the wedge over there double lively.

I've given him all my bank details and so now all I've got to do is [...]

I've had an email telling me that a long lost relative of mine has snuffed it (never even heard of him so no real grief) and left me £900,000 in his will.

Apparently he died in Africa somewhere and this Attorney bloke, Jackson Nkomo, emailed me to let me know the news.

He said that he needed £8,000 to get all the admin sorted so obviously I transferred the wedge over there double lively.

I've given him all my bank details and so now all I've got to do is sit back and wait for all that lovely lolly to to appear in my account!

You probably won't see me on here for a while as I'll be gallivanting all over the world spunking dough left, right and centre.

Laters losers.

In a small fishing village, a fisherman was walking up the wharf carrying two - at least three-pound live lobsters - one in each hand.
It was three weeks after the season closed! Whom should he meet at the end of the wharf but the Federal Fisheries Officer who, upon viewing the live and wiggling lobsters, says: "Well me Laddie I got you this time - with two live lobsters three weeks after the season closed!"
The fisherman says, "No - My Son you are wrong! These are [...]

In a small fishing village, a fisherman was walking up the wharf carrying two - at least three-pound live lobsters - one in each hand.
It was three weeks after the season closed! Whom should he meet at the end of the wharf but the Federal Fisheries Officer who, upon viewing the live and wiggling lobsters, says: "Well me Laddie I got you this time - with two live lobsters three weeks after the season closed!"
The fisherman says, "No - My Son you are wrong! These are two trained lobsters that I caught two weeks before the season ended."
The Fisheries Officer says, "Trained like how?"
"Well my son, each day I takes these two from my house down to the wharf and puts them in the water for a swim. While they swim I sits on the wharf and has me a smoke, or two. After about 15 minutes I whistles and up comes me two lobsters, and I takes them home!"
"Likely story", the Fisheries Officer says! "Let's take them on down the wharf and see if it's true."
So, the fisherman goes ahead of the Fisheries Officer to the end of the wharf where, under supervision, he gently lowers both lobsters into the water.
The fisherman sits on a wharf piling and lights up a smoke, then another! After about 15 minutes the Fisheries Officer says to the fisherman, "How about whistling?"
The fisherman says "What For?"
The Fisheries Officer says, " To call in the Lobsters"
The fisherman says, " What Lobsters?"