Jokes under Sex and shit > Prostitutes

An old guy walks into a new pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

#1 CHEESE-BURGER: £1.50
#2 CHICKEN SANDWICH : £2.50
#3 HAND-JOB: £10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive women serving drinks to a meagre looking group of men.

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?" [...]

An old guy walks into a new pub and sees a sign hanging over the bar which reads:

#1 CHEESE-BURGER: £1.50
#2 CHICKEN SANDWICH : £2.50
#3 HAND-JOB: £10.00

Checking his wallet for the necessary payment, he walks up to the bar and beckons to one of the three exceptionally attractive women serving drinks to a meagre looking group of men.

"Yes?" she inquires with a knowing smile, "can I help you?"

"I was wondering," whispers the man, "are you the one who gives the handjobs?"

"Yes," she purrs, "I am."

The man replies, "Well wash your hands, I want a cheeseburger."

A man staying at a hotel removed a card offering sexual services from a nearby phone box. Back in his hotel room he rang the number and a woman with a silky soft voice asked if she could be of assistance.
"Yes" he said. "I'd like a doggie in bondage gear, leather, PVC, whips, the lot. And then some hardcore spanking, rounded off with a blow job. What do you think?"
The woman said, "That sounds really good and I'd like to oblige, but if you press 9 first you [...]

A man staying at a hotel removed a card offering sexual services from a nearby phone box. Back in his hotel room he rang the number and a woman with a silky soft voice asked if she could be of assistance.
"Yes" he said. "I'd like a doggie in bondage gear, leather, PVC, whips, the lot. And then some hardcore spanking, rounded off with a blow job. What do you think?"
The woman said, "That sounds really good and I'd like to oblige, but if you press 9 first you'll get an outside line."

A man on his way home from the pub decides to take a short-cut through an unlit park.

A woman approaches him and offers to fuck his brains out for £5.

The man thinks to himself that this is a chance too good to miss, so hands over the £5.

She leads him into a bush and they get under way.

A policeman happens to pass by, hears them at it and notices the bush shaking.

He approaches, shines his torch on the pair and asks the man wha [...]

A man on his way home from the pub decides to take a short-cut through an unlit park.

A woman approaches him and offers to fuck his brains out for £5.

The man thinks to himself that this is a chance too good to miss, so hands over the £5.

She leads him into a bush and they get under way.

A policeman happens to pass by, hears them at it and notices the bush shaking.

He approaches, shines his torch on the pair and asks the man what he's doing.

The man replies calmly, "I'm just having sex with my wife, officer. Do you mind?"

The officer responds, "I'm sorry, sir, I didn't realise it was your wife."

The man quickly replies, "That's quite alright, officer - until you shone your torch on her face, neither did I."