Jokes under Sex and shit > Desparation
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I went to see a spiritual healer the other day and she told me that I needed to 'release my third eye'. Strange request I thought, but got my cock out nonetheless.. |
 
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I like a good long cuddle with my girlfriend after sex. It's the quickest way to deflate her. |
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I'm sitting at the bar. This big guy sits down next to me, a construction worker, and we start talking about nuclear war. I say to him, 'Look, you hear the sirens go off, the missiles are on their way, you got 20 minutes to live: what are you gonna do?' He said, 'I am gonna make it with anything that moves.' He asked me what I was gonna do. I said, 'I'm going to try and keep perfectly still.' |
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Joke
by white assasin in Sex and shit - Desparation - Added: 3 years, 2 months ago - Current Score: 85.6
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My mates call me 'The Cat' when we go out on the pull. I'm not sleek or stealthy, but whenever I appear the birds always scatter. |
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Old enough to count, old enough to mount. If there's grass on the wicket, its time to play cricket. Any hole's a goal... Except a manhole. If they're old enough to pee, they're old enough for me. |
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Joke
by Randomage in Sex and shit - Desparation (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 70
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My mates really are hilarious. They acted so shocked when I told them that my wife was diagnosed with HIV. |
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Joke
by Osama bin Fritzl in Sex and shit - Desparation - Added: 2 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 68
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When people find out that I use prostitutes they often ask, 'What can a hooker do that your wife or girlfriend can't?' I reply, 'Exist, for one thing.' |
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What do you call a fat woman on a blind date? A cab home. |
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I went up to a chubby lass in the club and said,"you've dropped something." "Let me guess - your jaw," she smirked. "No," I replied, "my standards. It's ten minutes to closing time." |
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Joke
by 8 ace in Sex and shit - Desparation (+ 2 more) - Added: 1 year, 3 months ago - Current Score: 39
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Just got a job as a 'refuse collector' and it's amazing how much useful stuff you find in people's bins. This morning, I found a load of condoms. They'll be fine, after a good rinse. |
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