Jokes under Other > Genie

This guy walks into a pub and half his head is a big orange. He says, "I'll have a pint of lager, please."
The barman says, "Excuse me, I couldn't help noticing, but half your head appears to be a big orange."
The guy goes, "Yeah, had that for a while now."
So the barman says, "How did that come about, if you don't mind me asking?"
The guy says, "I was in this old junk shop when I found a lamp and when I gave it a rub this [...]

This guy walks into a pub and half his head is a big orange. He says, "I'll have a pint of lager, please."
The barman says, "Excuse me, I couldn't help noticing, but half your head appears to be a big orange."
The guy goes, "Yeah, had that for a while now."
So the barman says, "How did that come about, if you don't mind me asking?"
The guy says, "I was in this old junk shop when I found a lamp and when I gave it a rub this genie appeared. He offered me the standard three wishes, and I said, 'For my first wish, I'd like every woman I ever meet to fall madly in love with me.' So the genie waved his genie hands and suddenly there were women looking at me.
"Then the genie said, 'What will your second wish be?'
"I said, 'I'd like a wallet with £1 million in it, and I can never lose it, it can't be destroyed, and every time I spend any of the money, it'll be replenished.'
"And the genie said, 'Your wish is granted. Now, what will your third wish be?'
"So I said, 'For my third wish,' and I regret saying this now, 'I'd like half my head to be a big orange.'"

Tony and Harold, two avid fisherman and well-known drunks, were out in a boat on their favourite lake one day drowning some worms and polishing off some brews.

Suddenly, Tony got what he thought was a nibble. Reeling it in he found a bottle with a cork in it. Naturally curious, he uncorked the bottle and a large genie appeared. The genie said, "I will grant you one wish."

Tony thought for a second and said, "I wish this whole lake was beer." Poof [...]

Tony and Harold, two avid fisherman and well-known drunks, were out in a boat on their favourite lake one day drowning some worms and polishing off some brews.

Suddenly, Tony got what he thought was a nibble. Reeling it in he found a bottle with a cork in it. Naturally curious, he uncorked the bottle and a large genie appeared. The genie said, "I will grant you one wish."

Tony thought for a second and said, "I wish this whole lake was beer." Poof! His wish came true. The lake was now filled with their favourite brew.

Harold looked at Tony in disgust and said, "You asshole, now we have to piss in the boat."