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Jokes under Illness and mortality > Cancer

287920
My wife's star sign was cancer and it's quite ironic how she died really...

She was attacked by a giant crab.
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Joke submitted by reallyfunnyman, originally by Bo Burnham in Illness and mortality - Cancer (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 5 months ago - Current Score: 4,226.8


239867
After hearing today that curries can cure cancer I can't help but feel that Shilpa Shetty had the last laugh. I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by Jon2263 in Illness and mortality - Cancer (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 2,776.2




63
Doctor: "It's bad news, you have cancer and Alzheimer's."

Patient: "Oh well, it could be worse - at least I don't have cancer."
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Joke by We Are The Lemon in Illness and mortality - Cancer (+ 1 more) - Added: 6 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 1,308.2


40471
My wife is forever saying I don't pay her any attention. So yesterday I was expecting brownie points when I said, "Have you had your hair done dear? You look different."
She went ballistic. I won't forget she's having chemotherapy again in a hurry.
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Joke by Unassigned in Illness and mortality - Cancer - Added: 4 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 1,293


64
A woman visits her doctor complaining of a strange feeling in her lower stomach. The doctor examines her and states;
"Well, I can tell you that you'll need to be buying lots of nappies in about nine months time."
"Am I pregnant? That is wonderful news."
"No, you have bowel cancer."
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Joke by We Are The Lemon in Illness and mortality - Cancer - Added: 6 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 1,180.6


172340
Possibly the funniest eBay feedback ever:

"Bought item for cousin who had cancer, item never arrived and cousin died."
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Joke by Secsi411 in Illness and mortality - Cancer - Added: 3 years, 9 months ago - Current Score: 1,173.6


101881
Does anyone else think "Don't Fuck with Shilpa Shetty" t-shirts would be a good business idea? I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by willey in Illness and mortality - Cancer - Added: 4 years, 2 months ago - Current Score: 1,039


203043
Earlier today I saw the facebook group "Kids vs Cancer". It turns out writing "My money is on cancer everytime" is one way to get quite a bit of hate mail.
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Joke by fagnut in Illness and mortality - Cancer (+ 1 more) - Added: 3 years, 8 months ago - Current Score: 997.8


715023
Good news for terminal cancer patients...

Clocks go back this weekend so that's an extra hour.
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Joke by MichaelTimothyAwesome in Illness and mortality - Cancer - Added: 2 years, 7 months ago - Current Score: 884


80432
I've just been diagnosed with a tumour. I was horrified at first, but it's starting to grow on me. I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by cursor in Other - Wordplay (+ 1 more) - Added: 4 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 871



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