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You would think that, if you pulled a snail's shell off, then it would be able to move faster. I tried it, but they seem to be more sluggish. |
 
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I was clinging for dear life to the face of the cliff. As the rescue team approached one of the guys shouted "Whatever you do, don't look down". So I started smiling. |
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I've found out the reason that women ask so many fucking questions. They have an extra why chromosome. |
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Some terms are really misleading. I went into the changing room several times. It was still the same. |
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| I've been offered a job as a "medieval escort". Unfortunately, it means I will have to work fucking knights. |
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I put my chips on the table knowing that she was about to fold. She said, "Move your dinner whilst I sort these clothes out." |
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| I was surprised when my psychic friend complimented me on the way I had cooked his steak. "Well done" is rare from a medium. |
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| I can beat anybody in a fight with only one hand. It's the two-handed blokes who beat the shit out of me. |
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I downloaded a 3D version of the alphabet. It's got 28 letters. |
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My wife walked in to find me having sex with a can of corned beef. "You said you were at work", she screamed. "I said I was in a meat tin", I replied. |
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