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I've dedicated my life to getting under age prostitutes off the streets. For an hour or so usually. |
 
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What wears a cloak and runs down the street? A black man who hasn't paid for his haircut. |
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A dog walks into a bar. The barman says, "Excuse me, but whose dog is this? The sign outside clearly says NO DOGS ALLOWED" The dog says, "Well, I'm not just any dog you know." The barman says, "So what makes you so special?" |
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Apparently the Korean leader Kim Jong Il has passed away. His younger cousin Kim Jong Healthy is set to become the new ruler. |
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My boss called this morning and shouted, "Where the fuck are you? It's 8:30 and you were supposed to start at 8." "Relax, I'm in my office." I replied. "Quit the shit!" he roared. "I'm standing in your office." So I went, "Oh, sorry mate, I forgot to tell you about my new job." |
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Whilst driving yesterday I saw a banner over the road saying 'The Influence.' Fucking cops then pulled me over for driving under it. |
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My mate from Norfolk's got ten perfectly formed fingers. On his left foot. |
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Protractors. Not recommended for amateur farmers. |
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I used to be a huge fan of Robocop and now I've just been fitted with a robotic leg. Oh the iron knee. |
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Archaeologists have just discovered an ancient Egyptian ruler embalmed in chocolate. Apparently it was Pharaoh Rocher. |
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