| Luckily, when my wife informed me that her cancer had come back, I was peeling an onion. |
 
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I accidentally elbowed my wife, splattering her nose across her face. I always wondered why they called it the funny bone. |
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As me and the wife headed off on a romantic holiday we talked about what kinky things we'd like to do to each other. She said, "I've always wanted to be handcuffed." So I planted a kilo of coke in her suitcase. |
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Joke
by bumblesquash in Sex and shit - Wife (+ 2 more) - Added: 10 months ago - Current Score: 452.6
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"I'll have a consonant please Carol, and a vowel, and a consonant...." My wife hates dishing up my alphabetti spaghetti. |
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I was in a mood earlier because the wife accused me of always trying to be clever. After hours of awkward silence, she asked, "What's the matter?" I replied, "It is the basic structural component of the universe." |
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Joke
by bumblesquash in Other - Wordplay (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 413.4
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My missus says she hates it how I narrate every situation, and here comes the fat cunt now. |
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I asked my missus, "What do you want for your birthday, fatty?" She said, "Don't get lippy." Mascara it is then. |
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Joke
by bumblesquash in Other - Wordplay (+ 1 more) - Added: 2 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 395.6
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My wife complained that I'm always trying to be someone I'm not. I'm wondering how the fuck she got into the batcave? |
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Halfway through my shift at Jessops, a guy came in to pick up some photos of his naked wife. Naturally, I had a little peek as I handed them over. "Would you like the negatives?" I asked. "Yes please," he said sheepishly. I said, "Your wife's got saggy tits and a fat arse." |
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I got a strange text this evening off a number I didn't know. I replied, "Who's this?" I got a message back saying, "Your worst fucking nightmare." Which left me a bit baffled as she was sitting next to me and hadn't moved the whole time. |
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