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I went to give my boss a high 5 today during a meeting, but he swerved it.. so I turned it into a handstand to avoid looking stupid. |
 
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'We need to talk' Thought the caveman. |
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Over the past year, I've bought every single product offered on each porn site that I've visited. My penis is now 326 feet long. |
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I saw two Siamese twins fighting last night. They ended up bleeding to death after I'd separated them. |
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Imaginary friends.. Great company in the park. Absolutely shite on a see-saw. |
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A really angry woman came into my shop earlier ranting and raving. "I want to speak to someone higher up!" She demanded.. So I stood on a chair. |
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We got a new science teacher in school today called Mr Frankenstein.. Can't wait for assembly tomorrow. |
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My mate just said, "My wife's persistent waffling is starting to get on my nerves." I said, "It's your own fault for marrying a Belgian woman!" |
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My dad, who spent most of his life building a clockwork car, died last night. It's going to take me ages to wind up his estate. |
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| I practiced hard last night at starting my new lawnmower ready for its delivery this morning and now the wife won't let me use anal beads on her again. |
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