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My mate just said, "What's your favourite mythical creature?" I said, "Those happy women in Tampax adverts." |
 
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I went to give my boss a high 5 today during a meeting, but he swerved it.. so I turned it into a handstand to avoid looking stupid. |
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'We need to talk' Thought the caveman. |
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Over the past year, I've bought every single product offered on each porn site that I've visited. My penis is now 326 feet long. |
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I saw two Siamese twins fighting last night. They ended up bleeding to death after I'd separated them. |
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My mate's going on Embarrassing Bodies tomorrow. He's got a huge Aston Villa tattoo on his back. |
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My wife just asked, "Do I look fat in these jeans?" I said, "Define fat." She said, "Picture me sat on your face sucking your cock later." I said, "No, you look fine babe." |
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Diamonds aren't a girl's best friend.. I've never heard my wife talking about them behind their backs. |
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My wife has the body of a 20 year old escort.. Shame it's a Ford Escort. |
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"What the fuck are you doing!?" I said to my wife, "You've reversed the car over my motorbike!" She said, "It's your own fault for leaving it in the shed!" |
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Joke
by alrightmert in Illness and mortality - Accidents (+ 1 more) - Added: 4 months ago - Current Score: 91.2
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