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1304298
As I sat down in the pub with my pint, I put my Nokia 3310 on the table in front of me. My mate immediately burst out laughing and put his iPhone next to mine. I gave it a disdainful look.

"Why don't you get a better phone, mate?" he asked.

"I don't need one." I replied. "My phone does everything that I need and it's better than yours."

He burst out laughing again. "Better than mine?" he roared. "Mine has 3 [...]

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Joke by TheAncient in Other - Stupid - Added: 11 months ago - Current Score: 861.2


1369467
What's worse than child abduction?

Jokes, apparently.
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Joke by TheAncient in In The News - Kidnapping - Added: 7 months ago - Current Score: 842.2


1366711
The BBC News channel just displayed images of the three women who claimed that Jimmy Savile interfered with them sexually. They showed a current picture of each of the women and a picture taken of each of them from the 1970s.

The caption read: Now, then. Now, then. Now, then.
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Joke by TheAncient in Celebrities - Jimmy Savile - Added: 7 months ago - Current Score: 591.6


912426
I've bought myself a chinchilla.

That should keep my face nice and cool in this warm weather.
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Joke by TheAncient in Other - Animals/Insects - Added: 2 years, 1 month ago - Current Score: 571.6


1082579
I've quit my new job as a postman.

They handed me my first letter to deliver, I looked at it and thought: "This isn't for me."
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Joke by TheAncient in Other - Work - Added: 1 year, 8 months ago - Current Score: 544.8


551677
Chilli didn't originate in Chile. Curry doesn't come from Korea. There's surprisingly little ice on Iceland and Greenland is far from green.
I'm emigrating to Niger.
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Joke by TheAncient in Racism - Black - Added: 2 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 499


529793
Farewell Africa! Thank you for the World Cup. See you at Comic Relief. I like this! This is poor. Edit this
Joke by TheAncient in Racism - African - Added: 2 years, 10 months ago - Current Score: 467.8


967321
I saw a black guy driving around in a Smart car today.

I think he was compensating for the size of his penis.
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Joke by TheAncient in Racism - Black - Added: 2 years, 0 months ago - Current Score: 463.4


1093041
My wife is finally losing weight thanks to a slimming club.

If she goes near the fridge, I hit her with it.
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Joke by TheAncient in Illness and mortality - Obesity - Added: 1 year, 8 months ago - Current Score: 446.2


822639
I got an invite to the 'marriage ceremony' for T-Mobile and Orange.

The reception afterwards was shit. There was only one bar.
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Joke by TheAncient in Other - Communication - Added: 2 years, 4 months ago - Current Score: 436.2



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